The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I just remembered reading from Toby Rice Drew material on line regarding alcoholism and she says when the alcoholic starts to have problems due to his drinking, rejoice he is nearing his bottom. Well, sure enough the ABF called me on Sunday yesterday and he was drunk and sitting in his vehicle. It was 8 am and he had been drinking since Saturday after work and was still going. I was beyond grateful he was 5 hours away from me. He was slurring his words and talking non stop. I should have set a boundary and said I will not talk to you when your drunk. I need to work on setting a boundary and not talk to him when he is drunk. A few hours later he called back somewhat sober and said he police picked him up and he was charged with sitting behind the wheel while intoxicated. His vehicle was towed and put in the impound for a week. Today he called me and he was sober and at work and he said his vehicle is impounded till next Monday and his license is suspended. I said I can not tell you what to do about your drinking but had you not been drinking you would not have to deal with this. I said what will be next. I am rejoicing as he is nearing his bottom. I said to him you missed work on Monday due to being drunk and now this. He said I am mad and I am not going to drink when I come home from work. I said only you can decide that and if you do, I have told you to stay in hotel if you are. I did not lecturer or tell him what to do. I just detached the best I could. I am just letting him suffer the consequences of his decision. Will this be his bottom, I do not believe so. He will drink again and all I can do is protect myself from him the best I can. I am getting to a meeting tonight! I am just taking things one step, one day at a time.
You sound good joker it is a process detaching
Especially if it has been abusive. Keep up your
Meetings and any other good healthy support.
You are growing and changing by leaps and
bounds. Remember to STAY SAFE, better off
Safe than right.
Keep up the ftf meetings as many as you can.
Some days i could use a mtg a day the stress
Builds up so much i get all gittery and it needs
Human release. Talking it out with a healthy
Program friends, Sponsor or therapist helps.
Let us know how the meeting goes Joker! Keep working that focus on you and not him - makes life more peaceful - right?
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
This title makes me so sad. I'm sad you feel this way. I do understand the pain, fear of living with this awful disease. I'm glad your going to meetings. You will get support for you. Taking your eyes from him and onto you is a good suggestion. It's a painful disease to watch and suffer from.
I completely understand where you are coming from. I have not read the book, but have been told similar things by therapists over the years. I wish my ex-A would feel a few consequences to push him at least closer to bottom. I hope your A doesn't have a "low" bottom, as mine seems to.
