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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Humility
Post Info TOPIC: Humility
el-cee


~*Service Worker*~

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Humility
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I got a bit of a reminder yesterday, from a drinker in my life, that this disease is still alive and well and waiting for my guard to drop. I got an invitation to rush in and ' help' i was tempted. When its your son, its like these Mother alarm bells that ring. I was conditioned by my own upbringing along with society to believe that being a mother meant being the fixer, controller, the human sacrifice. The whole idea of......my children are my whole world??? My children are not my whole world anymore and never should have been under that kind of pressure. Its an extension of the whole codependancy inside the alcoholic household. I am a person with a right to a happy life, my life comes before anyone elses including adult children. Dont you agree?



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hotrod


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Hello LC I am sorry and so understand the impulse to "rush "in when a child is involved. You are correct-- We are powerless over this disease (even in our children )and the best we can do is focus on ourselves and our lives with all the alanon tools we can muster.
Today would have been my son's birthday and I hate this disease and will hold you and your family in my prayers.

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Betty

THE HIGHEST FORM OF WISDOM IS KINDNESS

Talmud
el-cee


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Hotrod thank you for your reply, I can imagine this day is a difficult day. To lose your child must be the ultimate price to pay within this disease. Your recovery is amazing and a real example to me.xxx

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Iamhere


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(((Betty))) - huge hugs for you today. My hope is your heart has the ability to remember the lovely smiles our children gift to us before the disease arrives. Prayers for you today for peace of heart...

(((El-Cee))) - I hear you loud and clear. My active son (youngest, so also the baby) is reaching out and I'm having to do a bunch of PAUSING/PRAYING right now. I have the added element of not feeling well, so the lazy solution would be to fix, help, enable. So - I hear you and I understand all to well.

I fully agree that we have to put ourselves first. I also was raised to do for others and put me on the bottom of the list. It's a dysfunction that has been passed down and around much longer than any of us could probably trace. I am not certain what it is about 'us' that we get so, so lost in our 'help' of others, but I know for me if I don't stay centered with my needs at the top, I can so quickly revert backwards to the old behaviors, which were far from serene/calm/loving.

I will keep you and yours in my prayers today. I still get angry at times that I am powerless over this disease and all it brings, which is a 'real' feeling but a waste of my energy. Know that you are not alone.....(((Hugs)))

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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging.  Pause before assuming.  Pause before accusing.  Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret.  ~~~~  Lori Deschene

 

 
hotrod


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Thanks for your kind words LC and IAH I do focus on his sweet smiles and happy times and am grateful for the many years we shared. Prayers for a positive outcome for each of you.

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Betty

THE HIGHEST FORM OF WISDOM IS KINDNESS

Talmud
Mirandac


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Sending you ladies big loving hugs

((((((((( hugs )))))



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missmeliss


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Hugs from me also. I don't have a child yet old enough to make potentially destructive decisions- so I don't have much esh to offer but I do feel for all of you and I'm grateful for what you share and what I learn from it and file away for the future.
Hugs, and thanks.

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If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see? (Lewis Caroll)
LinSC


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YES I HUGELY AGREE ELCEE! Stay strong



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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Humility