The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I wanted space. Peace. Freedom to think what I want, manage my day in my own way, have my relationships, talk to who I'd like and not be micromanaged.
I asked for it and more. I put in a boundary. So far, my AH is either respecting it or just ignoring me for punishment. Either way...I have some room now.
Then...it's too quiet. The phone is silent. He's not checking in. I'm not asking where he is, why he's late, if he's drinking.
And it makes me anxious.
I know this will pass. I want the new normal. I want to be healthy and sane.
I just need to lean on my HP to not go back to old behaviors that do not serve me anymore.
Get to my meetings.
Let go, let God. It will be ok.
Or, it won't...but I will.
__________________
Kelly
"Go placidly amid the noise and haste and remember what peace there may be in silence...." Desiderata
newleaf - I had to figure out ways to fill my 'previous worry time' with things. At first, I went to tons of meetings and still felt I had spare times. I walked and walked and walked......miles with my dog with head-phones. I cleaned out closets, made new recipes, painted rooms, talked to program people, read literature....anything to keep me focused on what I wanted/needed to do and not my qualifiers.
It's a practice thing. There are no one size fits all. But consider things you haven't had time to do and/or things you have an interest in. It can be as simple as a bubble bath!
It will pass and you will be OK. That's what matters most is that we come out on the other side.
(((Hugs)))
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Thank you for your response. I will get busy. And you are right - I have many projects around the house and things that interest me that I've pushed aside because of my constant focus on my qualifier. Learning self love and care is hard for me. I've never learned how or given myself permission to try. With the help of Al-anon and HP, maybe it's time for me to learn.
__________________
Kelly
"Go placidly amid the noise and haste and remember what peace there may be in silence...." Desiderata
Hi Newleaf. Change does kick up anxiety for us. We get used to the known(what will happen). The unknown causes us anxiety(fear). You're doing the right thing. Lean heavily on your HP and Sponsor. Change means taking a risk. Going for the known to the unknown. That's why we need faith. Faith in our HP and The Program. Pray and then action in the direction of your change. Your HP will fill in the gaps. When stricken with fear, remind yourself that this is a new journey and it's normal to have some fear. You're trying to replace old thoughts, feelings and behavior with new healthy one's. The feelings will pass and you will come out the other side healthier.
Wow. Thanks, Mike. So encouraging. I will pray and continue to move forward despite my fear and anxiety.
I feel like I have some cheerleaders in my corner.
:)
__________________
Kelly
"Go placidly amid the noise and haste and remember what peace there may be in silence...." Desiderata
newleaf - you do....you do! That is the gift of Al-Anon that keeps on giving - it is a safe place to share our worries and our fears and our ... without judgement and with support and ESH. I had many people giving 'advice' before I arrived here which truly only confused me more....but in Al-Anon, the healthiest refrain from direct advice and instead share where they where, what happened and what they did and where they are now.
(((Hugs))) - support is usually just a post away!
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
I agree -As our daily reader is entitles "Courage to Change". I find that program offers many positive tools that enabled me to move forward, live in the moment and trust HP .
It is a process
My therapist said that anger was about the past, peace is about the present and anxiety is about the future and not knowing. I find those statements to be true for me. When faced with the unknown I become very anxious and I do want to reach out and try to control the situation. The past and feeling angry is about things I can't change (who wouldn't like to rewrite their past and come up with a different present?) When I am at peace, .. I am in the now.
Hugs S :)
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Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism. If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown
"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
newleaf66 - you made me literally laugh out-loud.....that was a cute post and the laugh was much appreciated.
This brings to mind for me that one thing I truly love about my Al-Anon friends is we also try to find the humor in our existence. For me, I've spent so many years taking myself sooooo seriously and trying to be perfect that a bit of humor thrown into the mix is necessary!
(((Hugs)))
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
