Drama, drama, never ends with my ABF. He is back at work and I have kept my distance and conversations to a minimum.  I do not want to hear any more lies and BS from him. I did text him and said clearly, you need to drink elsewhere (hotel room or elsewhere) as I can not deal with your drinking anymore. As you know, he did not go to work on Monday, drunk and then on way to work talking suicide. He is expected back tonight! What am I going to do entered my mind this morning? We had an argument last night over the phone. It had to do with Saturday night, when we had an argument and I left the house and went to the near by pub. He followed me there and I ignored him bad. I did not even look at him. I was getting lots of attention from 4 different men and having a ball. I did not come home till 4:30 am, was having fun. Well, he blew a gasket yesterday and was mad, very mad. I said, I have put up with your affairs, having woman from the bar drive you home, you staying all night in a hotel with your ex wife, talking to different woman on the phone for 2 years. I have had enough! I too can show you that I do not need you! I told him in a text I am tired of being treated like crap by you, not being loved! I told him I am tired of just being a piece of furniture to you, to be used and abused. I am tired of taking your BS! I have had enough and that is why I did what I did. He said he is hurt so bad! He says I am hurt and angry! Its all about him and nothing to do with me. I said what about me, its all about you, you. Payback sucks eh I thought. He says, I do not want to argue anymore as I have to work in the morning, and you can sleep till noon. Trying to blame me for not working (I am on disability from work currently) The argument was escalating and I just hung up the phone. I am angry that he is trying to put the blame on me. He was the one that started with all these affairs and womanizing, and I have had enough! I guess, he is very jealous and angry now. Not my problem. Maybe this will make him see I am a desirable woman and deserve better! I am not taking on his blame! He has to deal with his feelings of betrayal! He caused it! I am standing up for myself and I do not feel afraid to let him go and this relationship go either! I deserve better! The attention from the men I met at the bar, confirmed I am desirable, beautiful and that I do not need to put up with his drunken bull, put downs, his abuse! I deserve better! I see that he is so selfish its all about him, his feelings, his self pity crap! He is incapable of seeing things from anyone's perspective but his! Its all about me, me..and sorry your feelings got hurt, what about my feelings that were never taken into consideration ever! I have to prepare for a nightmare now for the next 4 days, while he is home. I have my basement sanctuary so that is great and the help of the police if he gets violent toward me. I do not trust him. He will be drunk now for the next 4 days and then back at work! I have to do what I have to and protect myself. I need to not talk to him period! I am tired of his BS...he is sick and by engaging with him, I will get caught up too and be just as miserable as he is. I want to to be happy and I will!

I just had to vent this!