Sit and wonder,lol I have to laugh about it cause I'm so darn exhausted abf will be here until tomorrow,I know a lot of you prolly remembers him ,he is my ex old abf from way back in 2009 I have been rereading old posts from back then I went under diff. Usernames all them posts and replies were all still intact,lol,good thing more insight,things are so diff. Today with him,back then it was all about being and getting wasted he got off the needle useing,and went back to it wide open in 2014,he still drinks but don't get drunk any more,dunno why he even said himself he didn't get drunk anymore,my thinking is that it's his drug useing interveinessly,he don't and will not do it in front of me,but it has changed him so much and not to the good in no way,like not wanting to work anymore,he still stayed real busy around my home,it's like it's all about him more,no money,if he does run up on a few bucks it goes toward his habit,I did walk in on him in my bathroom while he was trying to stick his self I know it sounds so gross and sickinning to me but he quickly turned around and said this isn't something that would turn you on. You don't need to see,I'm glad he is going,I'm tired.   He never got better over the years just got worser,he left walking somewhere his old boss drove up and said he could go with him,and stay with him but none of abf drugs could be at his house and I sure don't want or need them here,his paraphanalia,I'm been finding empty beer cans under my sink in my bathroom with cotten stuffed in top of them just crazy stuff .i love him but not like I did ,back then lots n lots of water under the bridge now.and more than likely he won't go with his boss house he will go wherever he can get by with doing his needles ,I was told that he was addicted to the needle more than the drug,ha,there's a lot to know about those hard drugs and needles etc....I don't mind the education of it but I've been or had been for long time researching drugs and shooting up online then I was told by my sister that you can't believe everything you read on the internet about drugs and addicts, she is an addict but it's to pills ,xanaxes and loratabs,and subozone if she can get a subozone,but she not on no needles thank gosh,im also happy that will be out of my way to and her knowing it that he has his stuff here,no more for me,of the mind baffling,crazy insanity of allowing it to be here in my home ,he hid it for a long time,so far I'm calm as a kitten for some odd reason,I guess just thinking and thoughts of 50 % of my problem is gonna be gone from here,I may grieve but it will be mostly greiveing just his company. At times ,I'll find ways other healthier ways to fill my time up with ,besides him, I don't need him or any man in my life right now just need to be left alone to take care of me for a change 52 y/o,it's high time I do start looking for me and finding good company with just me myself ,wow that just sounds like a dream ,that can come true,I need that this time to myself,so I can work more or get more done towAre my progress and keeping my house cleaner should be easier ,with one less person,I  do wish the best for him but I do and know this is the end of the road trip for me and him and I think he also acknowledged it now,or he will when he don't hear nothing from me ,I'm got plenty to keep me going........thanks for listening,all my stuff ,about to be past over with ,in one blog...........Lu ,,,,,welcome esh