The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Got out of bed at 5:30Am to walk the puppies in the morning first light and then back into the house to do the other stuff; you know the support the spouse stuff and take care of myself stuff and now I'm disappointed? Made breakfast (cooking style) and served it with fresh coffee and then when it was done I got a double barrel blame and guilt shot that wasn't even legal. My spouse mentioned "I'm not feeling okay" which didn't even sound like a justification for the put downs and I was about to go into sponsor mode yet I am not her sponsor...I am husband with no sign on his forehead saying "unload your mystical bs here". Where, what, when in the hell does this crap come from? Where, what, when is it going to stop. Funny I have an after the fact expectation of respect and not acting on it. I got work to do which will and can take me away from the computer, MIP and poor me opportunities. Can I make this worse? Much...very much.
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change and the courage to change the things I can.
Hugs back Jer.
Course you didn't deserve it and i know you'll shake it off and make it a good day one way or another.
(((Jerry)))
__________________
If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see? (Lewis Caroll)
(((Jerry))) Positive thoughts on the way. If you were my sponsee, I would suggest a longer "asset list" to counteract the negative BS.
We are with you my friend.
Thanks sisters and Hotrod the asset list is a good tool which I've run thru my thoughts of course under the title of "Do I deserve that"? and then I relapse back into disappointment. Gotta go into the jungle and see my wise sponsor. (((hugs)))
(((Jerry))) - so sorry that the BS raised up today.....I had a bout of it yesterday. I had to stop and do some processing and then remind myself that a moment/10 of disappointment does not equal much compared to 24 hours. I ended up choosing to be grateful for that which was working in my day vs. that which was not.
I often have to remind myself that I can be overly sensitive and can personalize other people's illness outputs. So, when my qualifiers blast at me, I have to remind myself that I am not responsible or in control of their actions/reactions. It's easier said than done in the moment but part of my process of self-reflection after a dramatic moment.
You are valued and you are wonderful just the way you are. QTIP comes to mind....helps me quite often as I travel this journey with my qualifiers.
(((Hugs))) from my small piece of the world!
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Got out of bed at 5:30Am to walk the puppies in the morning first light and then back into the house to do the other stuff; you know the support the spouse stuff and take care of myself stuff and now I'm disappointed? Made breakfast (cooking style) and served it with fresh coffee and then when it was done I got a double barrel blame and guilt shot that wasn't even legal. My spouse mentioned "I'm not feeling okay" which didn't even sound like a justification for the put downs and I was about to go into sponsor mode yet I am not her sponsor...I am husband with no sign on his forehead saying "unload your mystical bs here". Where, what, when in the hell does this crap come from? Where, what, when is it going to stop. Funny I have an after the fact expectation of respect and not acting on it. I got work to do which will and can take me away from the computer, MIP and poor me opportunities. Can I make this worse? Much...very much.
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change and the courage to change the things I can.
See you all later. (((((hugs)))))
Hi Jerry,
I don't have any ESH for you at this point, I'm dragging my behind and exhausted from too many child's school activities, but your statement above did make me smiles, so thanks for posting it!
Some days are just "off" days. We all have them. I am thinking that your spouse may be having an off day. Of course this is no excuse but it does happen. Going into the "Jungle" to visit your sponsor is a good thing. Gets you out in the fresh air and you can retreat, revamp and re-enter. Thoughts and prayers for you, Jerry :)
Sorry Jerry. I know it's kinda weird when that stuff comes out of the blue. Sounds like you're doing your best to stay in your own hula hoop. Sending you lots of hugs and support tonight!
__________________
Never grow a wishbone where your backbone ought to be!
What a great husband you are. I was married three times and I can never remember even one husband ever being thoughtful enough to make me breakfast.
From your post, I'm getting that its been happening more than once. I may be wrong.. I know sometimes when we live together for a period of time , we take each other for granted. If its bothering you, is there something wrong with asking, what's wrong. Is there something I can do for you that I'm not seeing. Even with our programs, we still need to communicate with our partner's..If it were me I would have been curious after making a meal , why would that other person be angry...
Maybe its not your way...but either way, I'm sure it wasn't about you...
Mahalo family...thanks and you are all so right on with your pieces of my puzzle...I'm grateful and Bettina I heard and felt the compassion in your post which I didn't even consider this morning...Thank you all for letting me know that this is all about practice and that I will never ever get it perfectly right. I love you all. ((((hugs))))
So much wise ESH here Jerry, thank you for letting us join you on this journey. ((((Hugs)))))
And a special thank you for the phrase 'mystical b/s'. There is a built in reminder in that one that we don't need to understand it that will help me next time I'm in your situation. I love being up and about to be joined by the sunrise, that cusp when night owls are coming home to roost and the first tweets of the day birds greeting the day.
I hope you have a most serene day. And I would have loved a cooked breakfast! My cold cereal and banana was pretty lackluster today. She's a lucky gal and sorry she was not able to properly acknowledge that today.
