The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today's reading brings up that difficult concept of detaching with love. In the reading it is suggested that this is important for US-- that until we are able to lovingly detach we are bound to the past and moving forward in life is very difficult. The opening sentences are about how the reader saw sobriety in her father and prayed for the same in her SO. He also got sober and then reunited with a former love. The writer was devastated and questioned how her HP could have this in mind for her. This made me think of some situations in my own life and also made me realize that when I have struggled internally or externally with what was happening in reality, it often was my own ego getting in the way. I do believe there is a plan for me and I don't always have the luxury of understanding it!
when I step back from situations that are not 100% to my liking I can see that I don't like being reminded that anyone and everyone doesn't follow the script that I am writing! When I am able to accept reality for what it is, right now, not dwelling on past or future, I am putting forth my healthiest self.
The thought for the day is the reminder that the one relationship who is our constant life partner, never leaving us, is our HP. I hope you all feel that presence today and everyday!
Good morning Mary, thank you for sharing your thoughts on this important Al-Anon tool. Detachment with love was not easy for me. Prior to working the steps, (several times) ,I was a control freak and wanted to force solutions so that the outcome benefited my plan for my life.
Entering program, accepting that HP's will, might be something completely different than my own, allowed me to Let go andLet God in all my affairs.
I must say that the passing of my husband and my son was not in my plan for my life and I never thought that I could survive the loses. Thanks to program, and trusting the God of my understanding, I found that by using these simple tools I could be grateful for the many years I had with my beloved family, be grateful that I was with them to the end and understand that life on life's terms can be lived with courage, serenity and wisdom only when I let go of my expectations and trust HP. I love the thought that H P is my only true life partner
Thank you for your service and have a wonderful day.
Thank you ladies for what you have shared today. It's funny, but I was contemplating the end of my relationship with my SO just last night and how I would possibly handle it if we had to end things. What would that look like using program tools today vs what it could look like if I didn't have program?
The greatest reminder you both have mentioned is that gratitude for what you have shared with someone even if the relationship must end, no matter how the ending was brought about is key. As well as understanding that the script that we write for ourselves is not always HP's script for our lives and that we need to accept a greater plan that the universe has set for us.
In my life, I can now see where detaching with love has brought me to peace but it's also provided me with an avenue to finding acceptance: acceptance of other people for being right where their HP needs them to be today, acceptance of myself and my own limitations but also acceptance of my assets, etc.
Hope you all have a great day!
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Never grow a wishbone where your backbone ought to be!
Such a good message. I have tried to explain to people how I go about my interests and life dispite what my AH is doing. I have heard the term "Detatching with Love", (my father was a recovering alcoholic, and was with AA for 13 years before he died) But had forgotten that term. It SO discribes how I live my life. I do however have to quit taking inventory of how much and what he is drinking. (Checking his hiding places and levels of alcohol in the bottles) That's just a co-dependant mentality. Although I can't help wondering if it is a good thing to KNOW how much, in case I have to relay that to a doctor. (has happened in the past) But I am sure with blood tests they do, they can tell. Thank you for post. :)
So important. When I let go of the outcome, and accept what is, I seem to almost always end up with something far better than the outcome i would otherwise have tried to manipulate for myself.
Thanks for the reminder
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If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see? (Lewis Caroll)
Thank you Mary and all for the ESH in this thread. Coming here each morning to share with others about the daily reading(s) is one of my favorite parts of the morning!
Detaching with love was also difficult for me. I was filled with so much fear (of the unknown) and lack of acceptance (of others and self) that putting one foot in front of the other was difficult at times. What helped me was seeing the peace and serenity in others who had done the program & steps in meetings. I truly wanted what they had and had no idea how to get there from here.
Those who came before me showed me how to surrender and accept where I was at any time during any day. They gave me insight into how to detach with love, always mindful that the disease was dreadful and the diseased still deserved compassion. Understanding Al-Anon, the steps and the concepts was not enough for me - I had to work the steps to grow and I had to let go of many old concepts, beliefs and values to detach with love and find peace.
I do believe today that I am never alone. I feel I am better at relying on my HP to guide and lead me one day at a time. I am grateful that progress is my only goal vs. perfection. I love this program and do believe it saved my life and certainly my sanity.
(((Hugs))) to all and happy Tuesday!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Great post. Detaching with love is hard. Personally today I've accepted what is in front of me however I'm so a person that needs to know the "why" something happened even if I know the outcome won't change. I have to be ok with not knowing the why right now and trust that some day it will all be clear as mud to me ;)
