The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Sooo, My AH and I are in a church that has small satalite Home Churches, like Bible studies. We get together once a week, and then go to the "big" church on Sunday with other home churches. This keeps it kinda nice, cause you have the feel of a small church when you are within a larger church. I am telling you this so you can get the picture. Anyway, my AH didn't go to "the big" church meeting last night, so The husband a wife leader on our Home Church (HC) asked if they could talk to me. They have known my AH has had a drinking problem, but have been holding off talking to him, because they (and I) were afraid he would get pissed and stop coming to church (and it would cause problems for ME if I wanted to still go!) Basically, they think something should be said now. Before he kills himself with alcohol! And he has been showing up to HC and The Sunday church Drunk. They will not (And should not!) allow that any more. They love him and want him there, and want to come along side of him (and me) to help him. So their plan is to have one of the guys that my husband respects and likes, talk to him one on one first, (so he doesn't feel attacked) and then the husband (HC leader) would talk to him after, depending on how things go, will tell how THAT will go. So I gave them some background of how he thinks, so they would know how to approach him. You know, no one knows our AH's (or AW's) like we do, and how they are behind closed doors. I guess there is a program like the 12 step AA program at church that is run by a recovering alcoholic. He may go for that, because I think he is afraid of his work finding out. Not sure when all this will go down. Just keep him in your prayers!
I hope things go well. I also will be thinking of you, I hope whatever happens with your AH you are able to continue attending church and getting support and love from that group of people in your life - it seems they really care for you and AH and that is such a wonderful resource for you.
I keep hoping my AH will suddenly desire a program and more formalized support but he is just not there yet. He has found a social group that is focused on physical sobriety and that is more congruent with his understanding of his disease and has been a positive source of support. I am thankful for that, and learning to accept his healing journey without fixating on my fears of the next big slip. I am working on accepting the bumps along the way and checking-in with myself as I make choices in response to them that I am happy with, choices that shape the life I want to live. It is so hard, and I feel stronger when I lean into my program and let go.
Thanks for sharing your story and reaching out today, my heart is with you. <3
Prayers to you and your family. Is the friend from the church also in recovery? We did a similar intervention with my husband but not through the church. I had a close family friend of his who has been in AA for over 25 years come and talk to my husband privately. It really helped as my husband wasn't feeling judged or ganged up on and he could really relate to the family members story (one where he lost his wife and family due to the disease). That was the first day he stopped drinking and that was almost 9 months ago.
Tired-of-it - I will hold you both in my thoughts and prayers. I am one who is willing to turn over ever rock in trying to help another who is sick - with this disease or another. We never know what person or message may be received and heard that makes a difference.
Keep coming back here and know that you are not alone!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Taraxacum, sounds like we have similar situations. Although, if he goes through the one at church, at least it will be biblically based. AND I thing it might be more apealing to him, since his work wouldn't know about it.
Thank you Hotrod for that suggestion. I will let my home church members know that.
Jazzie18, that's awesome that he has not had a drink in 9 months! I pray he sticks with it. My AH has "quit" several times and always went back withing a week. I don't believe him any more. To my knowlegde, the friend from church hasn't been in AA, but he IS one that my husband would tend to listen to. The other guy (the HC leader) has had an issue from Pain meds after surgery, and has gotten help with it. So he could relate on that level.
Iamhere, Thanks for the kind words. I think the toughest part is trying to figure out the BEST way to do things that won't make the AH turn against us.
Jill, I don't think that is WHY he is drinking, but I know he doesn't know about what the church has to offer. (I didn't either until Sunday!) I think when he finds out about it though, it might be a good fit for him, at least at the beginning!
Thank you all for your responces. Good to know I'm not alone in this!
