The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
He was only 23, drunk and spaced out on pot.....I was sick just like he was with the disease.
Until a sponsor woke me up when she said:
"Why is it so hard for you to stop martyring and do whats right for your son. You keep saying how much you love him, then kick him the hell off your couch and let him sink or swim so God can do what he needs to do to save him. He might need a little more pain to surrender, who are you to spare him the pain of growing up!"
That did it! It wasnt easy, but i needed to hear that, the rest is history, he is doing well now....
Oh man, that's what I hate about the word "enabling". It makes it sound like you are so guilty. YOU ARE NOT GUILTY!!!! He had choices. He chose his life.
You may have needed prodding to choose yourself and your serenity over his drunken and drugged choices, but he did what he did.
Please say you were "rescuing" him from himself. It doesn't have the "guilty" connotations.... like you did it on purpose to mess with his life. He messed his own life. You kept him alive from his bad choices.
LinSC - so glad to hear that your son is doing well now.....I've been in your shoes and mine is still out there and active. It's so hard to let them go and trust God to help them along....I had not heard squat from him for 11 days and got a text today from a different number. I called the number as I didn't recognize it and it was my boy. He answered - that's a step in the right direction. He got a new phone and a new plan - thus the different number....I chose to not ask any more as that leads me to even more worry!
Your post gave me hope that he will, with God's help, find his way! Take good care of you and thanks for the great share!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Great post linsc. I also enabled and its a dangerous thing to do with the disease of alcoholism. We can slowly kill them with the lie we believe. We call it helping, saving. We think this is love. When we know better we do better. I kicked my son out and I know thanks to alanon it was the right thing to do. I would do it again and again. No son of mine will drink himself to death while I help.Xxx
I think "enabling" is the best word I can use, because that is exactly what it was. No guilt was involved because I didnt know what I was doing, I was unaware of the consequences of my actions. Because of Alanon I learned the mistakes I was making. Because of Alanon I "got it" and changed forever. linsc
