The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today's reading shares about being human, making mistakes and growing through the Al-Anon program. We are able to learn from our mistakes, and continue our growth in self-awareness as we progress in the steps. What a gift that we can own our mistakes, make amends and keep moving forward - we can change our attitudes and behaviors so we can avoid repeating the same errors. The program shows us how to even learn from our painful past experiences so we can create and live with a better future.
The reading suggests that shame is the greatest obstacle to our learning and often presents an excuse to hate ourselves today for something we did or did not do in the past. A shame-filled mind leaves no room for the fact that we did the best we could at that time, nor does it leave room to accept our humanism and our mistakes we have made as humans.
The writer suggests that when he/she feel ashamed, they need a reality check as often their thinking is distorted. While it may take great courage, if we share about it with an Al-Anon friend, we can interrupt the self-destructive thoughts and make room for a more loving and nurturing point of view. With just a little amount of help, we can discover that even the most embarrassing moments can bless us by teaching us to turn in a different, more positive direction.
Today's reminder - Today I will love myself enough to recognize shame as an error in judgement.
Today's quote - "The ultimate lesson all of us have to learn is unconditional love, which includes not only others but ourselves as well." ~~Elizabeth Kubler-Ross
I was stuck, so so stuck by shame. Shame in what I had done or not done as well as shame in my reactions to many sticky/awkward situations. My sponsor told me over and over and over again that I was doing the best I could then, and that the disease truly does distort our thinking and often times our feelings. Being able to accept me exactly as I was/am was such a gift and a necessary part of my recovery.
Until I accepted myself as human and imperfect, I struggled to accept others around me without judgement. I often looked at situations with my distorted thinking and wondered why they couldn't be 'normal'. It took me a long while of working through the program to understand how I view 'normal' did not match others' definition of normal. We each have our own perceptions and we each are entitled to our own journey.
I do love myself today. I thought I did before, however if I truly did - it was conditional. I expected more from myself that I could ever deliver and carried that expectation to others as well. My persistent 'suggesting' of how things should be and how they should be was manipulative and controlling. I am so grateful for the awareness and self-growth this program has given to me!
TGIF everyone - love yourself, just for today and know that blessings and peace are within reach.
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Thanks IAH, this is a huge one for me...and one I am still working on. It's as if shame is my "default" emotion and sometimes now i catch myself and think "what is this even about? What do you think you have done?" It's as if...I must have one something to feel ashamed about, i just need to remember what it is...lol!
I think growing up in a badly alcohol damaged foo, I played the role of scapegoat from a very early age. I became very comfortable with the idea that I am 'bad", "not as good as other people" etc and just as this reading says, it has impeded my own growth and well being because instead of learning from experiences and growing from them I have mostly just hidden in shame, isolated myself and thought "well what's the point? I'm bad. I should just give up" etc.
It has been a real challenge for me to turn that thinking around (although I have worked hard at it in recent years, with shameless self-validation lol). I like the idea of sharing it with an al-anon friend when i feel overwhelmed with shame; I will try that. Like with everything, i won't heal by hoping to make people pity me (one of my old "defenses"). Saying "I'm a terrible person" until someone convinces me I am not doesn't help, lol!
This is something I need to do some big work on.
Thanks
-- Edited by missmeliss on Friday 26th of February 2016 11:20:11 AM
__________________
If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see? (Lewis Caroll)
Thank you IAH When I read your over view of the C2C I too heard how powerful acceptance of myself and others is to my recovery Shame is so very destructive and something I learned as a child-- I did strive ot be perfect to avoid feeling less then and the shame that followed. Thanks to alanon I found that we are all imperfectly human and that love is the most powerful weapon in the world. I am continuing to learn how to do this.
Thanks for your service and do have a great day
