The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Hillyard - so sorry that you're 'feeling it all' today.....it happens. My go to when I feel bankrupt is to take it easy, keep it simple and pray as best I can for direction and the next right step on my journey.
You are not alone - keep coming back!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
My suggestion , quit concentrating so much on the relationship and fill yourself up. Always work on filling yourself up and see where that takes you. Find your truth and keep coming back for YOU not the addict.
I agree with the suggestion that you quit concentrating on the relationship for a while. Take care of yourself. Do what you need to do for yourself. Don't try to be in the relationship. Just BE.
I found out when I stepped back that it was about a year before he even noticed. I was polite as I could be. I took care of my anger at meetings. I got my sense of humor back because of the meetings. I stopped caring about the relationship and put it all into my HP's hands. If it was supposed to be, it would be there. Yes, we remained married. No, it is not the relationship I envisioned when we first got married. I don't expect much and I am happy because of it. I have found other things in my life to be happy about.
Take care of yourself and let the rest be in the care of the HP.
Maybe calling it quits is what you need to do. I did. Im not saying its the answer for everyone but it was the right answer for me. My ex is in AA, sober for 3 years now but I have no regrets and would not take him back. Im not sure I would have made the progress in my own recovery that I have if i had still been with him. Leaving is a valid option for everyone.
I find that making large decisions when I am emotionally and spiritually bankrupt never work well for me. I hope you will go and find some help for yourself through some face to face Alanon meetings and recharge your batteries. Then you can decide what you want, maybe pulling the plug would be the best answer for you .. the good news is you don't have to decide today what is the right answer for you.
It took me 4 months of alanon and HP actually worked the choice out for me. I'm way ok with that because my life has turned in directions I never thought possible .. not always easy .. WOW .. always worth it .. LOL!
The only way I could have stayed with my XAH was if he found sobriety, we each worked a program of recovery .. it didn't work that way and I am still unsure that would have been enough. If he's sober today the behaviors are still there, he hides refusing to deal with the reality of situations. I just say ok, if you insist. It's just no longer my issue .. sober or not he has to deal with his own life the way he sees fit. The only time we have indirect contact is through the courts. I choose not to engage him if at all possible.
Hugs S :)
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Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism. If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown
"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
Hillyard just work on yourself thats
All you can do. Go to as many ftf
Meetings as you can. You will hear
What you need to hear to get strong.
I wish i left earlier too yet i was
Much saner with plenty of alanon
Under My belt. I was frozen in place
When it came time to make that
Real decision.
Fear, codepency, love who knows
I could cope when it all ended, I
stood my ground and pushed back.
I Left on my terms not his.
