Just read some things on emotional blackmail on the board here and one of the things that really struck me is by listening to the ABF is I am giving him attention. By giving him attention I am saying your a great guy with great wisdom and I need to listen as I will learn something from your great wisdom that is more stronger than me. Your smarter than everyone else, you told me over and over again and I believe it so I better listen to everything you have to say, your the smartest man around! I better just sit there and listen and accept your great thoughts and ideas as it comes from god! Your older and wiser than me so I better listen to what you have to say, its the absolute and only truth out there! There is no one more wiser than you!

I found when I am not giving him attention by sitting and listening to his great words of wisdom, he will contact his ex-wife or another woman to talk with and get together with so he can share his great wisdom with them. Wisdom based on drunk talk. He needs someone to see what a smart man he really is and how successful he is. He is a great! He works hard, he is smart, he has the power of the holy spirit, he is greater than anyone and knows more than anyone. He has the greatest wisdom around...and I remember him saying he has prayed to god to give him wisdom like king Saul from the bible..I have to laugh at that because, with that kind of wisdom, he would go completely nuts...he would not know how to handle it.

All he wants is attention, confirmation he is a great guy and I am twisting myself to give it to him when he can get it in a healthy way. I am doing what I can to get healthy attention and to be heard, he can do the same! I am now understanding that I do not have to sit and give him another moment of my time and attention when he is using! If he wants to talk to other woman and get attention that way, he can, that is his choice. I will not be here to pick up the pieces.

Another thing I have noticed is he isolate himself, he has no friends, no program, nothing, but other woman and me to give him attention, like a spoiled child. He cries like baby, I run to him. I sooth him like a baby. I feed his self esteem and make it all better for him. I carry him around like a baby, meeting his every need. I treat him like a baby, rather than an adult! I clean, talk, sooth, comfort him like I would a baby....if he cries, I am there...the baby needs to cry for a bit, I am busy, he is fed, clothed, diaper changed, burped...he can wait. I can check on him to make sure he is ok other than that he can cry himself to sleep. I am not his slave, cry and I am there...I too isolate because he does. I do not reach for help because he does not. I need to get a back bone and get out of the house and get help for me, not him

Thanks for letting me see this insanity happening in my life that I allow. I allow this insanity by staying and staying and staying and not living my life.

Read, addicts are very resourceful in getting their needs met...needs for attention, validation, self esteem, ego boost, ect...I see that the Abf will do what ever it takes to get his needs met and use who ever to get his needs met and it does not matter who gets hurt in the process. Its all about him, his needs only and nothing else matters. I see I am just like a spare wheel there to be used on an emergency basis when his tire has a flat. He bring me out of hiding like a spare wheel when the tire of me, me, me, has flatten. As long as the tire is not flat and full of air, it can go, go, go...the car can go 5,000 miles. I am tired of being the spare tire...I deserve better!!!