When I met my husband I used to ask him to protect me from her (isn't that crazy and irrational) I felt safe. This quote from a member is what I read on fear and OMG it hit me why I am still with my ABF. I am looking at him for protection, to feel safe! I am looking to my ABF to make me feel safe! I am looking to him to protect me from people who will hurt me! I had been hurt a lot in my life and I am expecting him to protect me, rather than going where I am safe, reaching out to safe people. My ABF can not protect me, he is drunk! He can not even look after himself because of his alcoholism, instead I am afraid of him when he is drinking! I chose him because, I believed in my mind he would protect me from abuse, instead he is dishing out abuse to me. Its like my head and reality are in two separate places. I believed him when he said your safe now, this is a safe place, this house is safe. Instead it has become my prison where abuse is dished out like food! I believed what he said to be true, when the reality is so different! Before I met him, I was living alone with my daughter and had an apartment and did feel unsafe at times due to leaving a very terrible abusive relationship. I had fears that he would find me. I had fears that he would follow me home. I had fears that he would find out where I lived. I had fears that I would see him in the neighborhood I had been living. I had a lot of fears! I moved in with my ABF as it was in another part of the city and it would be a new start and I would not be reminded of the abuse and I would be safe in my home. Instead, my home has become a prison of abuse where I am afraid, not feeling safe and where I must be on guard all the time. The ABF that is the abuser, not my protector that I believed he would be. He is not my protector! I have to do what I need to protect myself, not look at him for protection. He can not do it as he is older, a drunk, not there, he can not function! If he can not function how is he to protect me...he can not.  

What a realization!