The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today's C2C points out that growing up around alcoholism tends to teach us self neglect. (Boy does it ever!)
The reading points out that many of us tend to push ourselves to ignore our own well being even when we are ill and simply keep on keeping on.
The writer suggests that through al-anon they discovered the idea that it might be alright to take extra care of our own health, by resting when tired, eating well, seeking medical attention when needed. And the reading points out that it is yet another unrealistic expectation that we have, when we expect ourselves to continue to respond lovingly and perform when we are unwell or need care. It even suggests that perhaps illness might even be HP's way of pushing us to take care of ourselves instead of only trying to take care of others.
It reminds us that we are not robots, and that sometimes we will be unwell and we can use it as an opportunity to learn.
***
I think many of us can relate to the scenario of pushing ourselves to care for loved ones when they are ill, only to become ill ourselves and to feel that we have to push on-working, washing, cleaning, caring for others- even when on the verge of collapse! I know I played out this exact scenario many times caring for my partner/child/siblings during illness only to become ill myself and continue caring for them...without so much as a cup of tea for myself! And oh how did I burn with resentment inside over it (probably added to the fevers quite a bit, lol!)
I do owe myself proper self care and i also owe it to myself to ask for help/care when it's appropriate. I'm far beter at this that I used to be- for example instead of feeling resentful that my teeth were rotten and painful and no-one cared, now...I take myself t the dentist and i really have to wonder...why did I think I shouldn't do this before? Yet it really was a huge challenge for me. i was brought up to believe that women just have to push on and on and on and never do for themselves (it's selfish you see). I know that when i began this journey and started caring for myself better, i would take time to rest or even stay in bed when i was ill and my mother would roll her eyes...oh how she would roll her eyes....yet now she seems to have caught on and sometimes even shares with me that she had an afternoon nap!! Unheard of and, a big secret I suspect, lol!)
We don't have to wear our suffering as a badge of honor to prove that we are worthy people, and that is one of the very great lessons that this program has taught me.
Yay!!
-- Edited by missmeliss on Thursday 25th of February 2016 08:29:34 AM
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If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see? (Lewis Caroll)
Thanks MissMell for the daily and your service....boy howdy - I can relate to putting myself last or not even 'on the list' before this program. My way of doing had been so very lopsided for so very long - it was a bit uncomfortable trying to take care of me. Today, I do realize that nobody else will take care of me, and I matter so it's a great way to think each day vs. how I was before!
I'm still uncomfortable at times asking for help when I need it - but am getting better....Today, I am set to watch the grand-boys all afternoon and that's a handful and a half!!! I did ask my AH to find me about mid-way through it in case I need a break/help. He agreed without complaint - so it is often my own issues fearing rejection that holds me back...
So grateful for Al-Anon and all that it teaches me. Grateful for MIP and my MIP family too!!!
(((Hugs))) to all!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Thanks for sharing your thoughts on today's reading , Ms. M. I agree completely. I slowly made myself invisible in order to manipulate the situation and make others act as I thought they "Should". Thanks to alanon and these powerful tools I am learning to focus on myself and validate my own best interest, while still showing compassion for others I am amazed at how well these tool work.
Good Luck IAMhere with your grandchildren. They are fortunate to have you in their lives.
Thank you, Mary, Kenny Ms, M and El cee for your continued service.
I made
When I was reading this I thought about how I often I have gone to work or done all of the usual things around the house when I felt sick. I would not take a time out, no matter what!
These days taking care of myself means: readings, meetings, working out or running, eating good food, reading a good book, just having quiet time
Thank you MissMeliss, for your insight. I can see myself in all of your posts. This is something I'm finally beginning to realize, especially since my husband has passed. If I don't take care of myself, then no one will! I am the only one. I am becoming more proactive in my healthcare, and I only take the grandkids one or two at a time. I really can see myself in your post, Hotrod. I, thank Alanon and all of its tools, as well. This is so difficult when I am used to putting myself last. I am trying, though, as all of you are.
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KathyRN
"A PROBLEM IS ONLY A PROBLEM, IF YOU CHOOSE TO SEE IT AS A PROBLEM!"
