The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I'm humbly back from too many years away from Alanon. I divorced my husband of 16 years bease his drinking was getting worse. We have 2 beautiful girls who never see their dad because his bottom may be death. Now I'm married to another one. I'm so embarrassed that I would walk right into the insanity again, but he swept me of my feet. He was so kind and caring and compassionate . . . The list goes on. So I ignored the nightly drinking because I had met my dream man. Now the insanity is here: the selfishness, the manipulation, the twisting of words the ego, and my lonliness. How sick I've become. I feel shame and anger toward myself that I ignored the obvious. My sense of self worth and confidence are again very low. My husband is very nice to my girls, thank God, but he and I are not doing good. This is my first time on this site and it has grounded me some. I try to get to meetings, but I live way out of town and work and the kids have soccer . . . I also am just so embarassed that I would do it again and let myself get so sick. I feel defeated, but Alanon has lifted me up before, and it will again. Thanks for listening.
It will lift you up. Glad you came here, keep coming back. Keep working on yourself, if only all of us never repeated mistakes, we would all be in better places, but we are all human, and can't be perfect, it seems HP didn't make us to be perfect. I guess if we were perfect, we wouldn't have any room to grow. But sometimes growing hurts so much!
Aloha Mojo...don't be so hard on yourself I have done that several times and came to understand that since I was born and raised in the disease I was "normal" and so were they. Normal alcoholics and addicts...??? Al-Anon became my life when I was married to my second...an alcoholic and an addict and I learned as much as I could possibly learn to recovery my sanity and serenity no matter who I was with. I didn't need to be married and most certainly not to another sick addicted person...surely I was that way also as I couldn't seem to get enough of them. Today I've got 37 years of my own recovery and over 22 years married with an Al-Anon member. Keep coming back cause this works when you work it one day at a time. ((((hugs))))
Welcome to MIP Mojo, this is a good place to get back to basics isn't it?
As I read your post I hear you being so hard on yourself for doing something that I could so easily and willingly do myself. I know that I love alcoholics because the three men that I've been most attracted to in my adult life are all alcoholics - they are fun, they are charismatic, they live life to the full, until they don't. My 'sickness' comes in the form of 'Whats wrong with me? Why don't I enjoy and rejoice in my blessings any more? How did I end up here again?' The usual soundtrack! There are times when I need to be kind to me, loving to me, protective of me, forgiving myself, accepting that this is where I am, now what do I want to do next? Oh yes, laugh, feel the wind in my hair, contribute, and go to bed at night smiling because today I did something I enjoyed. Being able to dive into Alanon is so helpful at times like this.
I have come to believe that looking after my own self esteem is more important than keeping the peace. When I feel anger at being manipulated, or dislike at my husband's inflated ego I like myself less. For me it is important to turn to things that I enjoy and that give me a sense of accomplishment at times like that.
Hey, glad your back and think about how you would respond to a good friend who found herself back in the middle of the disease again. You would be kind and gentle and compassionate. this could be viewed as a gift. You are affected by the disease of alcoholism that means there are symptoms you have that can be halted but most likely never cured for good. We all chose alcoholics for a reason. We are sick and we become insane and repeat the same things over and over.
You are back, you came to the right place, now take it further, get to meetings, work on your recovery, get a sponsor, work the steps and slogans. Nothing changes until you make changes inside you. good luck.x
I wish i had started and stayed with it
30 years ago. I went a few times was not
Ready then.
If there is enough pain You will seek relief.
I dont think my bottom Could get any worse
for not being in active alcoholism. The isms
Were beating me down.
Accepting the unacceptable, on and on the list
Went of things i did not like, believe in, want,
It was all right there in my life. How on earth
Did that happen.
The alcoholic marriage is just that, things get
Twisted up and go sideways, its a codependent
Relationship. I needed recovery as much as he
Did.
Welcome mojo - glad to have you here and so glad that you joined us. No matter where you've been or what you've seen or done, it's today that matters. Until I came and stayed, I was continuing to do the same things over and over again, expecting different results.
It's the right here and right now that matters. You can and will feel better - just stick to staying in the now and taking care of you - that's all that we do here!
Know that you are not alone and know that we're just a post away!
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
The isms are beating me down. I hate to hear the truth about accepting the unacceptable, but that's exactly what is going on. We fought last night and it was the first time it got physical. He shoved me off the bed and I landed on my back and my tailbone hurts so bad I can't walk very well. He said I faked it. I cowered as I swore I didnt. What a beat down. I could have called the cops, but I accepted the unacceptable. He apologized today and I chose to forgive, even if his apology might not be genuine. I am glad I'm here. I'm going back to meetings. I'm really sick. How much more clearly already I see things when I finally admit this is another alcoholic marriage and return to Alanon. It will take some time and I pray that as I get better the relationship gets better, but I know from my first marriage that may not happen. I am truly powerless over alcohol and the madness it creates.
MoJo - I too am so sorry for you last evening. Nobody ever has the right to hurt us - please take care of yourself. (((Hugs))) - be gentle with you - esp. your tail bone! I fell onto a super sturdy toy box many moons ago with one of my two boys right on my tail bone....it still bothers me to this day when I sit too long!
Positive thoughts and healing prayers from my world to yours!
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Irrespective of anything not you will accept. A verbal apology is nothing toward causing it to end if the behavior has a chance to be come habit. You're hurt and he is not taking you to get aid? Not acceptable even as bad as if you do go seek it yourself. I have learned that alcoholism is a disease of the mind, body, spirit and emotions and now it is doing your body. Meetings yes, literature yes, sponsor of course...doctor yes also. (((((mojo)))))
Thank you everyone for your concern. I spent the night at a friends house last night to give myself space and I could think about what happened. It felt good to give myself that choice that I can tske a break when I'm still feeling hurt (emotionally and physically). I appreciate the reminder that taking care of myself means physically too. I know from hurting my tailbone at work this summer, there really is nothing the doctors could do but tell me to rest, don't lift heavy objects . . . I will take care of myself that way. Thanks for listening.
I know what you mean about the tailbone, but
You still should have it looked at that was
a hard landing where there was Already An
injury. Scary stuff when it gets physical
Even if unintended.
My ex and i it never went that far he is dry
Though. It just got crazy in other ways.
