The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
for two year I was told "don't loose faith, think positive, have hope". Even when my ExAbf was taking the things out of our home and crying while playing with the dog they said "I hope to be be back here some day, hooe to have this family back"
hope is a tricky thing for me now because i associated with falsity, because me hoping for a future with a man that was and is struggling to understand this disease always let me down.
i do have hope for myself now, hope that today will bring me more strength and courage than yesterday, hope that i start worrying about myself more than I do others and hope that I can figure out how to tap into that higher power and trust that things are going the right course.
But i still hope for us, for a future with us, for a recovery that each of us needs to focus on that that will lead us back together. And yet thats the hope that makes me crazy.
hope is powerful and yet also difficult, figuring out what to place hope in...that's what I need to figure out.
Crau - I relate to every single word you so eloquently wrote out. I struggle with hope very much... For myself particularly at this point... But oddly enough - I cannot seem to lose hope of my ex-AF and I getting it together to make it work. I don't know if it's the love, addiction, or both - but I completely understand. Thanks for sharing.
Hope for me is about peace of heart, mind and soul. As far as my hope for others (qualifiers), my hope is that my HP shows them their own path to peace. Before this program, my hope was they would 'conform to what I thought they needed to be'. I've since come to believe that my prayer for them should only include them being happy, joyous and free.....with or without me!
Wanting a life with another person is an OK desire. For me, when I put their needs in front of my own, and care about their health/sanity/welfare more than my own, I've crossed the line from Hope to obsession and wanting to control. Keep yourself first, focus on your own sanity and peace of mind and let God do the rest!
(((Hugs))) - keep coming back all....you are worth it!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
