The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
12 days ago I posted about the peace I felt in spite of the craziness in my home. Then shit got really real last night (4:30 am) as my AH fell down stumbling to bed and gashed his head on the bedside table. Blood everywhere. Now there is no mention of the incident tonight and I am not sure if talking about it will help anyone. He finished the bottle of wine before I got home from work today. I want my serenity back. Breathe in breathe out.
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Bethany
"Folks are usually about as happy as they make their minds up to be." Abe Lincoln
It's so hard to respond. Honestly.. talking about the serenity prayer, slogans etc. just doesn't cut it when something this frightening happens in your home. It's so unnerving. I hope you are able to find additional in person Alanon understanding, support and comfort. Yes... deep breaths and connecting with hp. I'm sorry you're going through this. I'm sorry for your ah as well. Prayers that he finds his way to a sober life. Thank you for sharing. Glad you're here sharing Alanon recovery with me. (((hugs)))) TT
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Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.
Oh Bethany - so very sorry that your serenity was interrupted by the 'craziness' of this disease. I suspect that because of it all, you didn't get a ton of sleep. My hope is most of your current misplaced serenity is due to lack of rest/focus. This disease just continues it's path of destruction and no matter what we see, feel, or get pulled into (out of necessity), it's still his disease. You didn't cause this, you can't control this and you can't cure this.
Do use your tools and give yourself time to heal - these kinds of incidents in my world bring to the front of my mind the real possibility of the 'final bottom'. They rock my world as it's real and right back in my face. Pray for peace and acceptance that you've done what you can and gotta let him do his thing. I too am glad you shared - it is another reminder of how real it all is and how quickly we can be 'rocked' left of center.
(((Hugs))) for you both and know that I'm sending positive thoughts for you both as well as prayers.
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Bethany, I am so sorry! I have been there ... the falls, the blood ... and I do understand. It helped me to talk about it to a sympathetic friend, to someone who could witness my feelings, even though neither of us could fix the situation. It's good to have someone acknowledge the trauma we family members experience, so we don't feel isolated and alone and helpless.
One thing that helped me during that time was to have a plan for protecting my sanity. I found it empowering to shop for a nice overnight bag and stock it with the things I'd need if I felt I had to leave the house and go somewhere else just to decompress. I kept it in my car. I didn't end up using the "go bag" in an emergency situation, but it made me feel better to have it.
