The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
The MIP family has known my story for a long time and that I am also a double winner; AA membership. It is frightening when the disease kicks in during very clean, clear peaceful times and demands attention. Some here know that I've been in program for 37 years and don't ever want to return to the insanity. I don't know everything and very often short sight my disease thinking that only in certain situations do I have to stand more steady watch.
I gave up the watch yesterday morning when returning from my morning home group...AA by the Bay in Hilo. I didn't know I was or had given up the watch what I did was offer my spirit up to a trauma. A pickup truck passed me going the other way and I caught sign of it dragging a dog behind it and the dog was attempting to stand upright while moving at over 35 miles per-hour. I locked up my brakes and swung around full one eighty after letting go of a very loud shrill whistle from my car and when I got turned around it was pedal to the metal until I reached the other driver who had realized what was happening. He was tying the dog to a work cabinet while it was bleeding profusely from its rear paws. The trauma owned me like nothing else could and I wanted to help and had little in the way of bandages or kind words. The young man who owned the dog could not even speak just trying to get thru the panic ritual of keeping the dog in the back of his truck and the dog a young brindle pit bull was so pained and panicky ....Off course!! I was completely powerless and could only watch the young man tear up his shirt to wrap the dog's paws as another young man arrived to help also. They were quiet and dedicated and my whole spirit was screaming. I got home and tried to calm and comfort myself and then the alcoholic within started to demand a drink!! "You need a drink"!! it screamed as it met the program and while we both knew that wasn't going to happen I knew I would be dealing with the demand for it. I remembered that I had successfully remained alcohol free for 37 years and I also remembered being told that the next one I took would kill me and I remembered feeling shocked how easy and powerful it returned to my mind and emotions.
When we get free chance and time remember to pray for the alcoholics and addicts who have this cunning, powerful and baffling disease. It was because of those who came before me that I am now alcohol free and have a chance to pass it on to others.
Grateful for all of you and others who gave me what they had. ((((hugs))))
-- Edited by Jerry F on Monday 22nd of February 2016 12:35:20 PM
(((Jerry))) - my heart just breaks for everyone......that's so so maddening and sad - poor puppy!!! Thank you for sharing your story - When I got the news that we lost the young family member, my sanity and program were full frontal and a drink didn't cross my mind. However, when each of my adult sons cried for the loss of one of their generation, the disease talked at me as well. I am grateful that I can call upon my HP who reminds me that a drink will not fix anything - only make it so much worse. I've never had 'a drink' in my life - upon the feel on my lips, the obsession was constant and unfulfilled until I blacked out and then passed out.
I pray each day for those still suffering and those in recovery. I've expanded to include family/friends also affected by this disease. It is so wickedly powerful that my only defense against it is to hold fast to my HP and keep close to my mind the last drink before recovery. I am so sorry you had to experience this but grateful that you cared enough to turn it around and help as best you could.
Hang in there my friend - positive thoughts for the pup and prayers for good healing!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Jerry, I am glad the puppy was not killed that
was terrible For everyone involved. I hope the
Pup is okay.
I had a client that really pushed me over the edge
And i would come home and say if i was still drinking
I would have a stiff one. It was the pressure from
Dealing with this client. She had alztimers and was
violent Sometimes especially toward her spouse.
So i guess my moral is enough pressure then we
Think how to release it. I worry about my ex For
the same reason he is getting his consequences
And trying to fix himself thru his new relationship.
Not a good or healthy way to get emotionally Or
spiritually Sober.
Thank you for the reminders... the compassion.. the empathy.
I appreciate your telling this story, such an honest and open share.
My thoughts are with the pup... and I can relate to those thoughts,
how easy it is for me to hear that voice... thank goodness for the tools.
Thanks again!
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Kats
To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you - Lewis B. Smedes
