The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Hi, husband has been hospitalized for alcoholic hepatitis, almost died of acute liver failure. I'll skip out on the whole history but he tried AA before and didn't like it, just upset him more. He says he knows he can't ever drink again, and that he has no desire to drink. Therefore he hasn't accepted any help such as medication or support/therapy. He doesn't think he "needs" it. Likely it is too painful for him to face and I think he actually doesn't believe he's an alcoholic. I'm at the point of telling him either he accepts outside help or we separate. I've already been through too much.
Note that we've been together for years and years, and he is actually a really nice guy, a good father, my best friend, etc. But I feel like I can't live like this anymore.
Hi Bobbi,
I am sorry for the health issues, my ah has a few of his own too.
I can understand the fear of the unknown, the fear of the other foot dropping. Are you attending any meetings? They help me a ton, nice to put the focus back on me.
Lots of good thoughts for you!
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Kats
To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you - Lewis B. Smedes
The good news about Al-Anon is no one has to know who your qualifier is if you don't want to divulge. In this day and time we can be children of, Alcoholics ourselves or have a friend or relative who is an alcoholic. I never try to figure out who the qualifier is, and I haven't been to a meeting where it mattered WHO brought me there. I would encourage you to try a face to face meeting when you are ready to do so. It is a wonderful gift to have a room full of people with shared experiences to give you wisdom and encouragement. Even if you just listen...
Huges to you Bobbi...
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Bethany
"Folks are usually about as happy as they make their minds up to be." Abe Lincoln
Aloha Bobbi and welcome to the board it is good to have you here...scroll back in time and read earlier disclosures and discoveries...learn what it was that we went thru, what we found out and what we do now.
Denial and disillusion and fear are hurdles to entering into recovery both for the alcoholic and the family however without help we suffer the same consequences...insanity and death...Alcoholism is a fatal disease and the fatality is very often caused by the denial and the refusal to get help. That is maddening and I watched my alcoholic/addict spouse reach that door and closely followed her to it. You don't have to drink to die from alcoholism though it is a disease of the mind, body, spirit and emotions. He has reach the "end stage" of alcoholism acquiring hepatitis which is both painful and nasty. I can only imagine the fear you both are going thru at the moment and ask myself is it as strong as the fear that drove me to the doors of recovery both first in Al-Anon and then also AA. The fear and reluctance is temporary if you and he keep and open mind and are willing go give the program a 90 day trial. By the time I got to the doors of Al-Anon for real (it took me two trips) I didn't give a hoot who knew or what they thought. I found a chair and sat and listened, listened and listened for 120 straight meetings and that was in 1979. It is a miracle I am still here for real...I did not earn the second chance it was a freebee.
Alcoholism is a disease not a moral issue who care what others "might" think...I was never asked though I feared I might be. Alcoholism has killed millions before you considered having your anonymity exposed...I am glad you found MIP and are here. Prayers and hope to both of you I hope you find a way to get in. ((((hugs))))
Welcome to MIP Bobbi - glad you found us and glad you shared with us...
So sorry for your husband's medical issues. The disease is powerful and progressive and is truly never cured. One of my qualifiers continues to be active, and suggests AA is 'not for him' too. I've been in AA for 28+ years and while it's never been easy, it's saved my sanity. Alcoholism is more than the drinking - if one is able to quit on their own, that's super but they often struggle to live life on life's terms without that crutch. The program of AA helps with the 'isms' - thinking, actions, reactions + gives support that is beyond anything $$ can buy!
Al-Anon is for family and/or friends. Realizing that you may have concern over anonymity, realize that the others attending also probably prefer it too. This is one principle that is held dear and near for all members - there's a saying, "Who You See Here, What You Hear Here, Let it Stay Here When You Leave Here." Fear is often an emotion that keeps us stuck; just keep an open mind and do what works best for you.
The meetings here are twice daily - check the upper left for the times and the link to the meeting room. Keep coming back - you are not alone and we're usually just a post away!
(((Hugs)))
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
I'm so sorry. My husband has alcoholic hepatitis and has been told over and over again that he needs to stop (not cut down, like he hears in his own mind) completely but he will not. Instead he chooses to continue and act as if it just isn't happening, any of it. The doctor told him last time that one day he will come in, and then it will be too late. He will die. He still drinks everyday. I feel like he is committing suicide slowly and there is nothing I can do :( I feel your frustration. I know your hesitance at hoping for a sober future. I am so glad you are here, and I pray that your AH will get the help he needs and get better! I am currently working step one, over again...I am powerless but this program has helped me so much. Hugs!!
-- Edited by Fairlee on Saturday 20th of February 2016 01:17:30 PM
