The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Update on my home situation since my last post. ABF sobered up and went back to work for 4 days. I did share with him what he had done to me while drunk-grabbing me and what I intend to do if this happens again. I was very clear that if he grabs me again while drunk, there will be no further talk, the police will be called. No ifs or buts. I also demanded he replace the lock to the basement so I can lock him out and I can go there and be away from him. He agreed to do this but it has not happened yet. I also said he needs to drink away from the house-there is a garage outside, go there. I was very clear with my boundaries. He listened to what I said and did not argue or fight with me. He was horrified by his behavior and felt very ashamed. Not my problem. He left back to work on Sunday. I cleaned and cleaned the house from top to bottom. It felt so good to vent my anger out on something constructive. I cleaned the basement out and made myself a room there in one of the bedrooms so if I need to get away, I have a safe place. I also have my disabled daughter living with me, and I have been struggling with her as well. Her mental health has once again deteriorated and getting worse. I finally, called her psychiatric nurse yesterday after witnessing her wither away. She had a blow out with the nurse over the phone and with me as well. It scared the hell out of me. The nurse came and picked her up and got her in to see the psychiatrist on an urgent basis and her medication was adjusted. Thank god. It has been very hard trying to help my daughter but I have hope now that her medication has been adjusted and she will begin to come back to reality. My heart breaks for her as she is so very sick and unable to function. I feel I live in a nut house, the alcoholic and mentally disabled daughter. I felt better after the nurse brought her home and explained what the plan is to help her. My daughter is 21 years old and the nurse did discuss her living else where when she is ready. My daughter is not ready yet to leave. I am doing all I can to support and advocate for her. The nurse will be coming back today to check on her. I am grateful that she is getting the support she needs to help her get back to functioning. Her bedroom is an absolute disaster and I can not get her to clean it up at all. I am hopeful the medication that was given by injection will make a difference. I can only cross my fingers. I explained to the ABF about my daughter medical condition and that she needs to be left alone and no pressure put on her and that she needs time to heal. The abf, came home last night from work around 11 pm and started drinking. I expected that. He went to the garage to drink, without me saying anything!!! Its now 7 am and he is still in the garage drinking and I am in the house, peaceful. This works great for me and my daughter! I can not change him and I am coming to acceptance about that. I do not expect him to change the locks or fix the ceiling down stairs but I do have a plan, hire a handyman. I have to think like he is not around and do what I can to help myself. I expect that he will drink all day today and tonight and recover tomorrow and go back to work on Sunday. I have to find a way to keep busy with things till he goes back to work. I also told ABF clearly that I do not trust him and that he needs to stay away from me when he is drinking. End of story. I am learning. This morning, I am tired as dealing with my daughter outburst yesterday, dealing with the nurse really did me in. I am trying to see the positives and what can I do? I know I need help! Help with my daughter to get services for her, as I find it hard trying to keep the house clean for her and dealing with my own stuff. If I could get a house cleaner for her, make the home clean for her, it would help as she recovers. The bathroom downstairs of hers was beyond filth but I did clean it up and it was so sad to see. My heart broke a few more times. Her room is the next challenge...even changing her bed sheets would be good. I am doing the best I can and its so hard! I just want to escape it all right now! I am feeling overwhelmed this morning! My focus is not on the ABF, thank god, its on my daughter. I just need a good cry as I can do nothing to help her but ensure she gets her medication. Oral medication that she has been given in addition to her 2 injections. Thanks for letting me vent and cry!
(((((Joker))))) that is the living description of "powerlessness" and it is temporary and adding practice of the 2nd step makes it more permanent over time and practice. I know that overwhelming feeling it use to drive me mad which brought additional danger into the family and to the alcoholic/addict. I learned to let go of the management of other people, places and things until I could build some self management. I wish you well and send you prayers and remain in support. (((((hugs)))))
Huge hugs J. Lots and lots of them. For you and your girl. Prayers also for practical support. I'm sure there may be someone who needs a few hours work re housecleaning. A bit of help is a wonderful thing.
Joker..
so sorry for your situation. I too had a raging alcoholic in the house and a Daughter that was in my house , after being in a Psychiatric Hospital with a mental condition. The only thing that got me thru was my conscious connection to my higher power. When life throw us more than we can handle that's when we have our conversation with God, Universe, Meditation, etc, whatever is our belief , there is a morning and evening prayer in the big book, we ask for our day to be directed by a higher consciousness, relief and solutions. Now that you have your little space to go to, make that your special meditation space.
Now is the time to really live the program and have faith that it will work for you, because it works if you work it.
Remember many of us have been in your same situation and we made it. You are not alone, we are here to support .
Bettina
Sending positive thoughts your way and keeping you all in my prayers! (((Hugs)))
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
