The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
OK I texted my a brother that I landed a job and he congratulates me which is nice. He then tells me (insert sad story here). In this instance he on the job and is sitting waiting in a car in a temperature in the single digits. OK this is where maybe I could have just detached by saying sorry to hear that, hope it warms up by you soon. Instead, I decide I'll do something nice for him because he's my bro and I love him. I send a coffee card by email so he can stay warm while he waits. He thanks me for the card. Then he sends another text telling me he's been contacted and told he'll be waiting another half hour. He ends the text with gr8. Ok so I wasn't really expecting anything more than a thank you from him but honestly the joy he felt in receiving the gift card lasted about as long as one sip of coffee that he hasn't even gotten with that card yet. Anyway, it's his deal, his attitude, disease etc. I'm glad I connected with him today and he's well enough to continue his griping and has a good rest of the day. Glass half empty? Glass half full? Oh nevermind... not my deal. Glad for Alanon. Thanks for letting me share with you. TT
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Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.
(((Hugs))) - that is typical of the responses I often get from mine too.....it seems so backwards to me that they can't find a bit of joy - even in the small events of life! I understand and love that you gave it back to him at the end of your post!!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
TT - the older I get and the more I listen, I am learning how differently two people 'see' things. My oldest called me during his commute today to thank me for watching his boys yesterday. He had forgotten to do so, which is typical. It is great growth that he realized this and called me back.
We talked about a few other things, and he was asking if the car he is driving (mine, handed down) is his to trade in. This felt like a loaded question, so I said, "it depends on what's up with your brother when you decide to get different wheels.....if he's got his self/stuff together and can drive legally, he might need some wheels. He said he understood - dunno.
Any how, the conversation moved to a conversation with his sponsor (he's back in recovery) regarding his upbringing. He suggested that everyone was fighting all the time and he suggested he 'added' to the chaos by pushing buttons esp. when he was under the influence. Well - a huge part of me wanted to ask about his life and thoughts B4 that (the first 13 years of his 23 alive)....I chose not to.
It makes me sad that what he holds onto is the drama/chaos surrounding this disease. I try to hold onto the happy, fun, joyous times before the disease. So - I just wanted to share that two people who were in the same place at the same time have very different memories/thoughts on what it was.
(((Hugs))) to you - I am sure at some level he is grateful for you. You done a good deed!!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Glass half empty? Glass half full? Oh nevermind... not my deal. Glad for Alanon. Thanks for letting me share with you. TT