I have had a slip in my behavior again. I guess I am human and  I am learning. The abf started drinking Friday afternoon after doing errands. I did not get his beer. He went and got it himself. I should have said you can not drink here. I did not. I instead drank with him and he drank non stop till 4 am this morning (Sunday). Yesterday he made two runs to the liquor store himself. Now there is 15 empty beers sitting in the living room he drank. I am not cleaning it up. He made the mess, he can clean it up. I had two horrible nights of non sleeping. I was kept up all night and day by his drinking. I could have left and went somewhere else but I was so tired I could not move. I just needed sleep. In between my screaming at him to let me sleep, do not bother me and a sleeping pill, I slept but it was broken up constantly till this morning when he finally passed out at 4 am. It was awful. I screamed and yelled at him and it did no good. I am so angry. I am allowing myself to live in this insanity. What is wrong with me. I keep saying to myself, wait till spring, and move out. It will be warm out and I can pack up and leave. I do not deserve this craziness. I was thankful it was the weekend, had it been during the week and I had to work, I would be even more mad. My heart is saying I need to move out and that is getting stronger. He is now sleeping and I expect that he will sleep all day and night now and he will be headed to work tomorrow back to camp. I will be surprised if he can maintain sobriety while at work. Not my issue though. I am so fed up with this situation and my lack of ability to take action to get out. I must be just as sick as he is. I feel in my heart I am getting fed up and need to move out yet I am not doing anything. I need a back bone so bad. I am shocked at the amount of alcohol he can drink yet know what he is going on, despite stumbling around. If I had drank the amount he had, I would be in black out mode big time, yet for him he can talk and know what is going on. Its unreal. Real alcoholism. This morning, after a sleep I had, I feel much better but did flip out on him about his drinking and how its effecting me and he needs to get help. I know I am talking to the wall. What needs to happen for him to get it that his drinking is a problem. I am sure he knows but will do nothing to help himself. I am so fed up. I am angry and want out. I need to get out of this house and away from his alcoholism. I need to get my own apartment and start new. He can drink himself to death I do not care. I need to get a back bone and stop this madness. I need to move out! I ask higher power to help me!