The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have just had a moment of clarity. What are the facts.
1. I grew up in an alcoholic home and at 15 years old I left and started my life on my own. I could not not stand the insanity and feeling stuck.
2. In every serious relationship I had with a man, (6live in bf/c/l/husbandsx2) they have had alcohol issues and were active in their addiction just like my mother
3. I now live with abf that is active in his addiction. I have been miserable.
4. Each relationship I left due to the violence and active alcoholism
5. Usually relationship lasts 2 years and I have had enough. The kids father I stayed with for 10.5 years. I got out because I had enough.
6. I have never been in a healthy relationship but I have lived alone.
7. I am fearful of leaving current relationship. I am fearful of leaving him. I am fearful of another drunk episode. I am fearful of starting over again.
As well, I live in fantasy land rather than reality. I see life through rose colored lens rather than reality and looking at the facts. I have this mental obsession that if I marry the abf, life would be happier! I need to let go of this obsession and not look at marriage to ABF but marriage to my well being!
