The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
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information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Hi everyone. Well I'm facing a major decision and am so knotted up in fear and anxiety I can't for the life of me make a decision. The slogan when in doubt don't has always been a no go for me because I tend to just sit paralysed about every single thing until I freak out and jump in headfirst. Balance, I know. Anyway a realy long time ago I was forced to make a choice that quite literally broke my heart. I have come to accept it was the best decision I could have made but its one of those scars on the heart you live with until you die. During this same time period I got into debt which is not an insurmountable amount in the grand scheme of things but in my current situation is just a ball and chain from the past. Most of it is student debt. And the interest is crippling. I am not at all denying it was my own fault because it 100 percent was. I am now urgently needing to take action and declare bankruptcy in my country of origin. It will be on public record forever. Now here's where my disease kicks in. Every single feeling and thought is screaming af me so loudly I honestly can't think in sequence. I feel like I'm back in my glass prison waiting for the worst thing to happen and knowing excruciatingly that it did and has and will if that makes any bloody sense at all. None of this has anything to do with the actual debt or bankruptcy application though I am also deeply ashamed of those. Can anyone please talk sense to me because I'm really struggling to find the inner voice. I've already paid the accountant/lawyer and just need to send the paperwork.
HI A41 Huge hugs Please remind yourself that you are human and that declaring bankruptcy is an avenue that is accepted in society so as business and citizens can clear the slate when and if they need. It is thereto address circumstances that arise, that are unforeseen and will cripple the institution or citizen going forward. It has been used by millions all over the world when times get difficult. This past financial crisis in the States saw many people in a similar boat. I have know a few and they have found employment and reestablished their credit and are now able to have credit cards.
This is not something you planned on Alanon reminds us to take the action let go of the results. That by trusting HP, stopping judging ,evaluating, and projecting, with one foot in front of the other, placing first things first that we should keep taking the next right action .
Please remember to stop beating yourself up. I see you have worked the Steps on this issue up to 6 Keep going when you get to step 7 ask HP to lift you anxiety and then in Step 8 place yourself a the top of the amend list and then in Step 9 make huge amends to yourself .
Please mail the papers and let us know how it goes
Edna, sending you love, strength and courage
To make the right decisions for you.
So much is old stuff it takes so long to sort
And grow thru. Let your HP hold your hand
While you come to terms with what you need
To do.
Do the next right thing, then the next, its
Very hard when you are in emotional turmoil,
It can be overwhelming and daunting.
Be kind and loving to yourself, do not beat
Yourself up any more than you already have.
Forgive Yourself as your HP forgives you.
I do mean it on the forgiveness, sit very still
and Really get in deep and truly forgive yourself
Like you would someone else, only do it for
you this time.
(((Hugs)))) and then more of them for you and to you! Well - I can relate to being frozen with indecision especially when there is shame attached.
I am a huge fan of writing about it (pros/cons, lists of actions, order of steps, etc.), talking about it and praying about it. When there are things I don't want to do, decide or act upon, I try to make a plan that I can follow so it's black/white in front of me instead of floating around in my brain where I add emotion to each step.
I was raised to be accountable, pay your bills, don't over-commit, and that bankruptcy is wrong. As an adult, I've come to believe that bankruptcy is not wrong, it exists for a reason, people make mistakes and everyone is human. So, maybe your upbringing also was such that your view of bankruptcy is 'bad'.....maybe that's where you get hung-up, and if it helps at all, it's not bad/wrong - it's a step available to help people reorganize their finances so they can survive.
Be gentle with yourself, you did not set out on a path of excessive spending with the intent of filing (I've seen this) - your intent was to improve yourself and the return on your investment vs. the cost of the loan/education are aligned differently than needed. You are human, it happens and whether you file, don't file does not change your truth, who you are and who you are working to be!
We are here for you and you deserve to be free from the bondage of the past. I love how Betty suggests to take the action and let go of the results.
(((Hugs))) again!!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
