The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
So I graduated from Nursing school December 18th, but still had my 90 our transitions rotation to do at a hospital so my actual graduation date if February 9th even though I walked through a ceremony already. So I have two shifts left this week then I am truly done with school and will get a date to take my nursing boards. I am a bit nervous about this of course. I have had a few days off here in a row and have found myself in a funk, regardless of all that has gone right in my life I tend to cycle back to here. I live in low income apartments and yesterday a neighbor kid came to my door and told me my 7 year old can't play outside with the kids because they don't want her by them. I was so pissed I just closed the door on his face. We had a lot of snow so it should have been a fun snow day for the children. My daughter and I took her outside and went sledding and had fun regardless. Then my blood got boiling, because the last few months under new management they put out a no parking spot rule for tenants, which means first come first serve, so where I have parked for years is now open to whoever doesn't even pay rent to take and visit all night and I have to find parking to carry in my groceries from across the lot. I have a lot of new neighbors who are young, do drugs and have many other young visitors of all hours, loud music and I am just over it. I am so close to becoming an RN and getting out of here, but in the mean time I am angry and pent up inside about everything bad about living here. I am truly unsure as to why I can't seem to flow right now. This morning I went outside and shoveled the walkway and stairs, but they used to have a maintenance guy that did that and someone that would have been here early to plow the parking lot, but not now. I have had a work order in for awhile to fix the sink in my bathroom, but no one has even tried to show up. I am livid and at a loss of how to proceed right now,, I have called and complained it does nothing. I seriously am starting to dislike the people I live around and this doesn't make sense to me. I am usually kind and loving, but something right now is building up inside me. I can't afford to move until I am working again and I am hoping once my senior graduates this June to move to a house with my boyfriend and our two younger children. The two oldest will go back and forth to the same college and home. I am on the cusp of everything I have dreamed of for so long, so why am I so hateful and not in a good place right now? I think part of it is all the changes going on, I hate transition and I am immersed in it right now, from school to work and going to move soon, but not soon enough! I was even mad at the kids at the bus stop this morning about how they treated my daughter yesterday and my anger came out at them, and now I feel awful about how I treated them. Thanks for letting me rant! I haven't posted here in awhile, but do come back to read and keep up with everyone. Sending you all love and support!
-- Edited by Breakingfree on Wednesday 3rd of February 2016 08:51:42 AM
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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
Oh I feel ya!! Similar times around my place too.
I do know that you've worked so hard and done one right thing after another and this will pass but I'm sorry it's hard times just now and that it's getting to you.
The kids will remember how strong you've been and everything you have done to create a better life and, I doubt they will remember you being grumpy at the bus stop, or at least for very long.
Hugs and love and support back at you. You deserve nothing less!
(((BF)))
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If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see? (Lewis Caroll)
BF, I can in no way relate because I still don't truly know what commitment and dedication combining to become completion actually feels like. But I know you are an incredible and incredibly strong and detetmined human being. Maybe its all of the mind boggling organization you've had over these years, getting the kids to the bus stop, studying full time and working and now the adrenaline is wearing off cos the finish line is under your fingers. The apartment sounds like a downer but my god you have earned your ticket out and soon you will be. Overall it sounds to me very human. Your next home will be beautiful and its not too far away. Sending you hugs and support lovely lady. Thankyou for all the inspiration you've given.
((BF)) ODAT trusting HP you will get through this transitional period. You have worked hard and the end is in sight so please keep your eye on the prize and just keep showing up.
In NYC we have a "Housing Dept" run by the City that we can bring problems such as yours to- maybe your State has the same
Positive thoughts on the way.
Thank you everyone for hearing me this morning! I am headed to the gym to release my energy in a healthy way. I have thought of sending a letter to the better business burea spelled wrong. I am going to turn my bad attitude around by doing what I can that is in my control today!
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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
You described a lot of what I go through where I live as well. I dealing with a landlord who is an active alcoholic. I would like to leave here on my terms so I tread easy. I'm not walking on eggshells.. it's more a matter of picking my battles and practicing detachment. That statement on our Just for Today bookmark is a handy one I think for these living situations. " I will try to live through this ay only, and not tackle all my problems at once. I can do something for twelve hours that would me if I felt that I had to keep it up for a lifetime." Although this has certainly gone on more than twelve hours, I like this tool for compartmentalizing my situation and not giving my serentity away.
I like the way you've circled around to self care in your following post. I find physical excercize empowering and restorative too. It's been a great self care tool. Congratulations again on your academic work and your progress all around toward healthier living. I think it's natural to want your living environment to be more reflective of the recovery you have today. You'll have that too. You know you will :) Hope you enjoy the rest of your day and come home feeling a bit renewed after the workout. (((hugs))) TT
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Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.
Hey BF - for me, no matter how hard I try to be a grown-up, there is a part of me that gets a 'short-timer' attitude when I know a change is coming, especially when it's a good one.
When I was almost done with my degree, I got in a funk, and was mean/nasty.....a part of me knew that I should be happy as I was almost done and ready for the next chapter, but a part of me got snappy/snippy with all things around me, and someone else pointed to 'it' and called it the short-timer's attitude.
I was that way before the birth of my boys.
I was that way before moving into each new job and/or each new house.
It was the strangest thing in the world for me and just accepted it as 'that short-timer attitude'......well - what I figured out after a few times working through the steps is I still have fear, especially of the unknown. I always thought I was fearful of the unknown only when I anticipated the worst - the other shoe dropping. What I actually learned about me is that I have fear of the unknown even when that next unknown phase has every indication of being a good thing.
Call me crazy, but I've decided that I don't easily and readily recognize fear esp. when things are going reasonably good. I have just decided that I need to be as close to my program as possible when I am in transition and trust my program and HP to carry me with grace and dignity. I used to view myself as resilient and strong - I've now realized that's the mask I used to wear and when I put that down, I still had fears and work to do on me.
I know you've worked so hard to be where you are and I believe the best is yet to come! You are so, so close to your next chapter which sounds lovely and well-deserved. The gym sounds lovely and hopefully helped ya! I also will admit publicly that when anyone comes after my child, I need to hide my hands as my claws really, really want to come out.
(((Hugs)))
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
"I am on the cusp of everything I have dreamed of for so long, so why am I so hateful and not in a good place right now? I think part of it is all the changes going on, I hate transition and I am immersed in it right now, from school to work and going to move soon, but not soon enough! I was even mad at the kids at the bus stop this morning about how they treated my daughter yesterday and my anger came out at them, and now I feel awful about how I treated them." Mahalo for the lesson Breaking...it reminded me when I was told that quite often when I have complaint the solution arrives at the end of it This would be sponsor time and inventory and meetings for me because solutions are there. Things like the opposite of frustration is patience became true and so daily I'm ready to practice patience. A 9th step recently really worked out well for me and those that I showered with my "French" during an upset. This works when you work it. ((((hugs))))
Wow Iamhere, you may have hit the nail on the head! Fear,yes explains a lot! Thanks! jerryF yes I need to dig back in to the steps thank you for the reminder!
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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
Congratulations on all the good you
Have going on in your life.
During my transitioning and moving
I had major anxiety and fear. I was safe,
I had money in the bank, two jobs what
Was i afraid of? I knew i was capable
Enough standing on my own two feet.
Its was all the old fears and triggers that
got the best of me. Fear of the future am
I up to the task? Will i fail?
You are doing great with all your successes
and your inner strength shines thru.
I feel you. Change is rough. Also it would seem with this long school journey ending, rewards should come now, but they arent quite, and now you have to muster it up to take boards. PLUS get constant in your face reminders of people not really growing and partying it up and that is just not where you are at. You sound ready for career, stable homelife, relationship. You worked your ass of for it and are almost there. Just keep moving forward. Press on. I promise you smoother sailing is ahead. Look how far youve come already.
BreakingFree,
Congratulations on your accomplishments!
You are entering a new chapter in your life. You have finished school. You have your boards to take and then you will get that job that will give you the resources to make the changes you want. There is a shortage of nurses in my area.
Thank you for all the support and love! That is why I came here with my angst! I used to call my sponsor and now her husband is my sponsor, but it's just not the same. Thanks for being here MIP people!!!!!
__________________
Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
Such great sharing on this thread! BF, I'm just here to say that I love you and that you are being cared for by your Higher Power. I absolutely look up to you and value your input and your growth in program. Lots of hugs tonight!
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Never grow a wishbone where your backbone ought to be!
