The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
The C2C reading for February 1 speaks about being powerless over the disease of alcoholism. it points out that many people believe that if they stop" enabling ", the drinking will then stop. This is not necessarily true. We are powerless over alcohol and when we stop enabling, we are doing so in order to help ourselves so we can feel better not to manipulate the alcoholic. Examining my motives has proven to be a very important tool in my recovery. I never realized how often I acted to manipulate others and not because I thought it the right action for me.
When we change our behavior the behavior around us, also changes, and there is no guarantee it will change in a positive fashion. We must learn to make choices because they are good for us and not because of how they will affect others. It is difficult to stop acting as I have in the past but with Al-Anon support I can be the one to break the pattern. I can choose to do what I think is right for me.
The quote is from Jane Seymour; "you have to count on living every single day in a way you believe will make you feel good about your life."
Great reminder!!! I find if I start the day with the serenity prayer, and turning my will and life over to HP, my day goes well I remember to stop, not react and to respond using my alanon principles.
Great page, powerful topic. This page is on my review list and a reminder I regularly need as I work to improve my tendency to want and try to control what is outside of myself.
The second sentence in the second paragraph raises the bar for me: make choices (and comments) because they are good for ME, not because of the effect I think they will have on others. It was in AlAnon that I first recognized my tendency to attempt control of others, and readings like these along with meditation continue to help me turn the focus back to me.
Today's ODAT page ties in well, reminding me that if I am trying to compel anyone, including the drinker, to do what I want or expect, I have not truly accepted Step 1. Setting and experiencing unmet expectations was a main cause of my insanity. I am so grateful for the guidance and wisdom of AlAnon that showed me that my insanity and frustration is a choice.
Thank you for your service, Betty
__________________
Paul
"...when we try to control others, we lose the ability to manage our own lives." - Paths to Recovery
Today's reading is a good one for me today.....I am powerless over the disease and how it affects me and others. Today was our funeral and I am now truly starting to grieve. It was a lovely service and a great celebration of my Aunt's life. I am grateful to have known her and been able to share so much with her.
She has a son who is 51, and walked away from the family almost 30 years ago. He's never been back to see/visit/repair whatever happened and has had a long-term relationship with alcohol. It's not my job to determine his status so I refrain from doing so. His mom (my aunt) was always trying to reach out and he was non-responsive to her for all these years.
She did not live a life of pity for this. She continued forward with her faith, with her work and with her spirit. We talked about it as I have wayward sons too and we talked openly and frankly about most things. I always listened and never judged and we bonded deeply because of our sons.
She went non-responsive on Saturday and passed Wednesday night. He made it Wednesday morning, so got to see her before she left. His sisters (my cousins) are civil to him, but do not and can not (yet) forgive him. He is very broken and has extreme shame for his choices and now has to find a way to live with this. It has made me very sad, and yet very grateful that I have a program where I can process my feelings and show all of them compassion as they go through their own grieving, no matter what it looks like.
So, for me, this year, this reading points out how perfectly powerless I truly am over people, places and things, like this disease. I must do the next right thing as best I can so that I stay humble and teachable. I can show love, concern and empathy for all of my relatives without passing judgment or choosing a side. What a gift this program has given to me.
Thank you Betty for the daily and for your ESH + your service. Thank you Paul too - for reminding me that I must always hold onto my powerlessness. It's a strength that sets me free when I wonder, which at times like this ... I do...
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
IAH, so sorry for the grief you are experiencing; those are difficult emotions and feelings that you describe. I, too, am very grateful for the program, especially during those incredibly human experiences that push us onto rarely travelled paths. Heart and thoughts are with you...
__________________
Paul
"...when we try to control others, we lose the ability to manage our own lives." - Paths to Recovery
(((Paul))) - thank you for your thoughts. We are now through all the ceremonies ... and as I always realize, left to actually grieve. Of course, that's a sort of, as there is her home to go through which will be tough but full of memories. I am at home tending to my dog and getting my lunch and then off to help with the sorting, packing, selling, donating process. I am blessed that my family is reasonably in agreement on this next phase. My aunt was very thorough with her wishes as well as her intent. That is a huge blessing as it minimizes the 'what to do'.
You are so very spot on for me - the program is such a powerful gift in times of trouble. No matter what I am doing, feeling, etc. I am able to draw upon some aspect of the program to get to the other side. It can be as simple as fellowship, a meeting, a reading, a slogan and being able to be a part of the solution through service to my family is beyond words comforting.
Take care and know that it is through you all here @ MIP that I draw so much strength....each day, one day at a time!
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
