The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today's reading is about seeing the good and showing gratitude rather than dwelling on the negative. For those of us who have lived or are living with active As, it is easy enough to become mired in resentments and just be blind with anger toward our As. This reading is a reminder of the healthiness in detaching the disease from the person, it's about seeing the person that HP created in love, and not letting his/her disease, or ours, get in the way of that.
One of the ideas from today's page is about perceptions; what part are we playing in how we see and feel things? I get a lesson in this area just about every day of the week. I'm a middle school teacher and can be frustrated by the attitudes of my seemingly apathetic and even lazy students! That's me seeing the situation from where I am; living in a happy house with healthy kids and no longer living in chaos. When I stop to consider that the students I serve come to school from very chaotic homes and many are distrustful of adults, I see the situation in a different light and am able to be more compassionate rather than frustrated toward my students.
What perceptions will I bring to the situations I will be in today? Will I come from a place of gratitude and leave resentments behind? I love the quote from Courage to Change: "And gratitude, a cornerstone of my Al-Anon recovery, brings hidden loveliness clearly into view."
Hi Mary, Thanks for your share and for bringing "Hidden loveliness" to the Board this AM . I too have found that an attitude of Gratitude certainly does change my perception of events in a positive manner.
During the recent snow storm in NYC, I found myself laughing and enjoying the storm simply because I made an concentrated effort to look for the beauty in the day and not to become a" Debbie Downer". It worked!!!. I loved watching the children sledding , building snow forts, snow tunnels and snow men. This simple observation enabled me to take a "wonderful trip down memory lane and relive the joy of my childhood.
Gratitude certainly changes perception and I am truly grateful for this tool and for your service
Thank you, Mary for your reflections on this reading.... one question jumped out at me... what part are we playing in how we see and feel things? I have a wonderful daughter with anxiety and ADHD who is struggling in college. She knows she shouldn't drink but she does (and that's not the only thing she does that makes life more difficult for her). I've been struggling with how to be supportive (she says she wants/needs our support) and yet detach with love. It's very hard..
then this question shows up... what part are we playing in how we see and feel things?.... I keep thinking if only SHE would change her behavior... I need to consider my part in all this drama.... So far nothing horrible has happened to her... it just feels that way LOL.... How can I change MY behavior? something for me to ponder...
Just discovered this online forum today. Thank you for being here....
Hey Kestrel - welcome to MIP! Glad you joined us and glad you are here!
Mary - great daily read and lovely ESH.....your share reminded me of a topic we often discuss in meetings for 'the other side of the table'. We talk about comparing our insides to other's outsides. So often, especially if things are going different than desired, we look beyond ourselves and see 'others have it better'. The reality is we do not know what they truly are experiencing, but rather maybe they are only dealing or healing with it differently/better than we are.
I have learned in recovery to 'never judge a book by it's cover'. It's so easy to read a person (incorrectly) than to listen, and it's through this program where I have learned to actually listen to another person for what is vs. what I think is.
I am grateful that I've learned 'everybody's got something.' No person is put on this Earth without opportunities to learn. My experience is those I look at with awe often have been through life experiences I could not even imagine. The strongest people I know have been through some tough times and yet, they are kind, gentle, loving and selfless. I aspire to continue to learn through those life experiences which make me a better, stronger person.
Make it a great evening...
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
welcome! I can relate to your feelings about your daughter in that especially while married I spent a LOT of time convinced that all of life's problems would be solved if my now exAH just stopped drinking. What I realize now is I was simultaneously putting the responsibility of our problems solely with him (not fair), convincing myself my happiness was found dependent on his behavior (not healthy) and getting into what was and is his business to figure out (not helping!). So difficult to detach. There's no doubt about it, but the more I work on my own self and my part the more comfortable it gets. Glad you found the site-- keep coming back!
Not I!! There are so many times that I experience 