I'm so sorry.  There is grief with the end of every longterm relationship, no matter how painful it was.  Because none of us got married hoping for an addict, a loss of intimacy, deceit and pain.  We went into it hoping for all the things everyone hopes for.

The more I get older, the more I see that pretty much everything gets a partial set of happiness in this life.  When I was young I thought most people got to have it all.  Great marriages, good jobs, obedient children without any disabilities, good health, a nice place to live, good relationships with relatives, rewarding hobbies, pets, enough money, satisfying things to be involved with.  I thought that was the normal way, and only a few unlucky souls didn't get it all.

What I see now is that the majority of us get some parts of that, but there's always some aspect of life that's not perfect.  People with good jobs don't always have good health or great marriages.  People with great marriages don't always have obedient and healthy children, or sometimes they don't have children at all even though they want them.  Some people have supportive relatives and satisfying hobbies but the right marriage never comes along.  And so on.  We all get dealt a partial set of cards. 

And of course it's easiest to focus on the parts we didn't get.  Those are the parts that need to be remedied or grieved or accepted.  But I used to think I'd gotten a raw deal because I didn't get the whole package.  Now I see that really hardly anybody gets the whole package.  In fact nobody I've heard of.  Sometimes they look like they have from the outside, but when you know more, you find out about the sadnesses and problems and loss.  They're there too.  In the long run, I think it's a matter of how we cope with the half-good, half-disappointing nature of our lives - whether we're thankful for the good, or brooding about the bad.  Not to say that sadness and pain aren't appropriate.  But that it's a big and complicated picture. 

Hope you'll take good care of yourself.