The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
The C2C reading for January 24 speaks about being honest with ourselves and with others. It points out that we do not have to pretend to feel what we do not feel or want things that we do not want.
It suggests that Al-Anon does not tell me how to behave and does not legislate right or wrong choices. It simply encourages us to look searchingly and fearlessly at ourselves, our feelings, our motives and actions.
I can only learn to love myself If I'm willing to learn who I am. The reading goes on to suggest that we have the right to want what we want to feel we feel. We may choose not to act on those feelings but that we should not hide them . They are part of ourselves.
The quote is from William Shakespeare; "this above all to thine own self be true,"
An important alanon tool that works for me in attempting to Know myself is that "before acting" , I stop, examine my motives, check with my principles and make sure that what I say or do is kind, courteous, correct and truthful . If I am feeling angry, or disappointed I can check for my part in the dispute and speak about it
Aloha Betty your response to the reading was a great add to what I got out of it also and I am grateful for it. Your last paragraph makes for a great check list for the question "How right do I want to be with this"? I also have check lists and have had them for a while coming out of my inventories and it works when I work it. Mahalo (((((hugs)))))
Betty, I'm thanking God for finding Alanon and for meeting you! In the short time that I've been on here, im learning what a wonderful and courageous woman you are. I needed to read this today, and it really hits home with me. Like many Alanon members, and enablers, I'm just now learning, albeit, very slowly, that I need to put myself first, to take care of me. To do this, I need to get to know myself all over again. I have many issues with guilt, over having been injured at work. I can tell myself over and over that it wasn't my fault that a lead door fell on me, isn't my fault that I have chronic pain daily, and had to apply for disability, yet I still struggle with the guilt of not being the Mom, the Nana, the PERSON, I once was. It's hard to accept the fact that when my husband passed we lost not only one, but two incomes, due to my needing to go on disability. I struggle with feelings of guilt that if I was not injured, maybe my daughter would not have become an alcoholic. I tried! I went through 3 back surgeries and a neck surgery and managed to work for 6 years following the accident. "This above all to thine own self be true!" I need to heed those words, by William Shakespeare! Thank you for the post, and for listening to me vent, as well.
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KathyRN
"A PROBLEM IS ONLY A PROBLEM, IF YOU CHOOSE TO SEE IT AS A PROBLEM!"
Good afternoon all - by my late arrival for the day vs. my norm, you can probably tell my day is going far different than planned! The reading is spot on for me. One of my sons is in crisis mode (sober crazy boy) and my Aunt is back in the hospital as of late last night. A husband/wife friend set of mine from local F2F has had a medical issue that's kept them away for 2 weeks with no resolution yet in sight...
It seems for me, that when it rains it can pour. What I am so grateful for is I am able to be of service AFTER I tend to me/my needs. This is contrary to how I was before...So, I did get to my meeting today and yesterday, which were both awesome. I did get to read my daily readers and spend some time reflecting before I turned into service mode. I am working hard to keep my mouth shut and my motives in check as everyone is doing their best in all these scenarios, it's just different than I would do.....
This week will be different as well. My Aunt has a DNR and is in kidney failure. We are uncertain what will be happening next, but her children are heading into town and some grandchildren too. I will be back and forth between the hospital filling in for breaks and the airport giving rides to out-of-towners. These are good roles for me at this point...
So, my ability to be a part of the solution vs. part of the problem is only possible because this program has given me myself back. I don't have to lead, control, suggest or anything. I can be me and be just fine with what others think is best as I have learned I am only one among many.
Thanks for being here family!! Thanks for your service Betty. And thanks to all for your ESH!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Betty I wish I could stop and think before I act. Most of the time I come across to my AH as very mean and raising my voice if something doesn't go the way I think it should. I see that I really need to work on this. We were cooped up in the condo for over 24 hours due to the blizzard so there were some butting heads around here!
Iamhere I am so sorry to hear of all the stressors coming at you at once. But I am happy to hear your program tools are working for you! I always remember my MIL's favorite saying "this too shall pass."
Thanks Rosanne - your post reminded me of a favorite saying of another lovely aunt I had - If you're worrying, you're not praying! I will be OK - I am just sad about my Aunt. She has lived a long lovely life - I am just not ready to say good-bye!!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Thanks Betty - it is in times of true issues that the tools of the program are so helpful....my brain keeps trying to jump beyond this day and my heart with HP is coming back to center.
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
