The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Well, it happened. Abf came home from work and relapsed and got very drunk on beer and double whisky drinks. He was sober for 3 months without a program. He was very very sick the next day but I did not baby him nor feel sorry for him at all. I just detached. He said all the right words, I can not do this anymore, I hate how awful I feel. I do not want to do this again. I can not believe how awful this feels. I just listened and agreed. I just let him sleep and take care of himself as I took care of myself. I know the words all all lies and I do not put any truth into it. He will drink again. I can not do nothing to stop it. I am going to a Al-Anon meeting tonight near my home and there is also an AA meeting as well at the same time. I said he is welcome to attend the AA meeting and I will go to my Al-Anon meeting and he said he does not need AA just church and then later said we'll see. I just let it go. I know what I must do. Keep the focus on myself and what I need to take care of me...me..me..only. I am trying not to project into the if...why...ect and just focus on today. Today, I know he is sober. Today, I know I am here. Today I know I do not have to think about the future. Today, I can read, write on here, let it all go. Today, I do not have to be scared. I can do what I can and leave the rest. Today, I can love me by writing on here and letting my fears go. Today I can reach out for support. I have to keep reminding myself, do not take what he says as truth. He is sick and believes his own lies. He will drink again. What can I do? I have to keep reminding myself of this. I can not help him, just myself and keep reaching out for support for myself. We had the talk and he took off his ring I gave him. I suggested we take back the wedding bands and he became honest with me and said he has been in contact with his ex-wife and she wants to get back with him. I told him, I too met a man recently but do to his desires for sex only, I stopped contact. I too was honest with him and know I am not sitting at home waiting for him. I am doing what I can to make my life awesome. He seems to treat me a bit nicer today. I am grateful but its not my only support system, I have al-anon and phone numbers. I just look at him now and say I do not need you! I do not need you! I can and will have a life outside you and I will get support elsewhere, your not my only support. I am so proud of myself, I am making progress despite how sick he is and his relapse. He drank this time for only 10 hours. Before, he was drinking every 3rd day. I do expect that will happen very shortly again. I have to prepare myself for this. But for today, he is sober and that is all I can expect. What the remainder of the day brings, I have no idea. I am focusing on this moment only!!
Joker - while you may not 'see it', I do - you are doing very well! In spite of what he is or is not doing, you are keeping the focus on you. You are going to your meeting. You are not reacting. You are staying in the moment. I see tons of program and tons of progress - all that we talk about in Al-Anon!!!
If you have doubts about your growth, go backwards and read your first few posts. Then read what you wrote today. I do realize that you are hurting, but you are walking through it with grace, dignity and personal awareness. YAY!!!
Keep doing what you are doing - it looks good on you!!! Keep coming back too - it just keeps getting better and better!
(((Hugs)))
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
