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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> My A-child,A-Mom,A-bro broke me
Post Info TOPIC: My A-child,A-Mom,A-bro broke me
d53sjurne


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My A-child,A-Mom,A-bro broke me
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dear all,


I replyed to d day post last night and then read on to find another earlier one. I can't tell you how comforting it was to see how many here have A-kids. I waswondering as I've hung around recently if there were more than spouses on this site.I needed so bad to see this. I have an A-dau and A-mom. I was also abused as a child in many ways(leaving out loads of details). My A-mom never acknowledged and blamed me for causing s....l abuse and resulting divorse. I put her in for help during one of her binges(and the A-bro) and let her out after a few days finding they weren't going to help her.(This was 20 something yrs back) At the time my A-bro was alive and she took revenge and instigated him to try to just about kill me everytime she could. His being starved for her affections (also resentful)and being A left me dealing with intense fear for yrs. Besides using him, she promised to hurt me in the worst way possible,to take my child, who was 12 at the time.


The next few years felt worse than h..l. Dad had done exp.drug for arthritis and messed up brains and passed after 2 wildly disorganized years and war zone over family busness and estate. She used us all to manipulate all she could get back. Within a few yrs unbeknownst to me at the time ,she influenced A-bro to gather with my teenager and herself and drink away.The rebellion to choose her life followed right in there path from an honors kid to an A-flunky.After several yrs of revenge, dysf, phys/emo/spiritual abuse, I parted states( approx12yrs ago)I felt as if it was the long draw out grief process of death of the live A's.


After yrs of struggle to try to make it from caretaker to all of them(no me)to be out there alone, new to taking care of a me that never existed, along comes HurrKatrina and takes it all and throws me back to the prescence of them as decided by someone I evacuated with . I buried the A-bro in 97 so I don't have to deal with him. But the mom and dau are still active A's


I didn't think so many he.l's existed at once. I thank this program and all in it for being here. I thank myself for having participated in steps yrs back to have some base to deal(????????)with this reuniting and am real sorry I left the program for the last few yrs. I am very grateful to find a site to participate again as I am trapped where I don't want to be with no transportation,my own or public. Disabled and needing to relocate were I can afford to live stuck waiting on FEMA(hahahahahahahahahaha)


 I would like to be active in this group and seek prayers and support . I offer the wisdom I have as I can. It helps to focus and to keep my head above water to some form of sanity for now.


Well this is a long enough intro and I will welcome yoou to acknowledge me here, as I feel as if I will overwelm others and run you off.


Hope to be accepted back and look foward to being here 


                           



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I tell myself when times are rough, "this to shall pass!!!" Ask HP for guidance, if the door is open, and I know how to look, I will become aware! I also visit http://www.inspiringthots.net/ . Blessings , Your sister in Recovery
aunitedway


~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 580
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what is most important is that you are reaching out NOW...there are ways to find f2f meetings in your area.  Take a breathe and start at the beginning. The 12 step program is such a Blessing. Steps 1-3 will help get you started....  back on recovery (not to worry of anything.) We All do that each day.   If you need help finding a meeting hall or have questions, most everyone here ad at the meetings., will get answers for You. Just ask. Thats the first step. Your in the right place.  Glad your here!  Welcome.   



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rtexas


~*Service Worker*~

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((((d53sjurne))))


My 21 year old is an A, and I know there are several others.  This is a wonderful wealth of knowledge and compassion.  Welcome!


I read your post and, of course, I have struggled with many of the same issues.  This disease is such a re-run.  I was not in the program through all this with my son, oh how I wish I had been, but I was so blind to it (blamed his erratic behavior on just being an immature). 


We argued for years about everything.  During one of those arguments drinking came up and he SCREAMED at me... "DAD, I'VE BEEN DRINKING EVERY WEEKEND SINCE I WAS 13 AND IT HAS NOT EFFECTED ME ... "  Of course I nearly died because almost to the day that is when I remember our relationship going down the toilet.


Keep coming back....



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"Good judgement comes from experience... experience comes from bad judgement" - unknown
lin0606


~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 2287
Date:
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Welcome, so glad you have found us.
I agree with aunitedway - there may be a way to get to a f2f meeting - call the number for your local meeting. Who knows, there may be an alanoner on the next block who would be happy to drive you to meetings.
Anyway, we're here - this site can be a lfesaver.

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maresie


~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 706
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My family of origin had a real war zone over my mother's estate. It was brutal but also taught me that I had choices and could set limits.  I think that in some ways the brauhau about my mother's estate made me see just who selfish and preoccupied and what lengths both my sisters would go to act out different roles in the family. 


I have done a lot of detaching over the years of my family of origin but I know the patterns and role(s) I  learned there contributed to my pattern of rescuing, enmeshing and even in picking an A partner.


 


Maresie.



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Maresie
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