I attended a face to face al-anon meeting last night and it was great to share my emotions. I have also been reading a lot on this forum and its helping me feel I can do this.  I had a moment of wow, when I remember being in a sick relationship with my ex-husband, ex bf's and how they use to say I was crazy. Today, I am grateful that I am crazy because I sought help for myself and because of the help I received, I left them in the dust!! Yes, I am crazy, I need help!! I am grateful I sought out all the help I could get. I accessed therapy for domestic violence, mental health, AA, Al-Anon, psychiatrist and anything else I can to get better. I still have a ways to go and that is ok. I am learning as I process more. I had a laugh as my ex-husband use to say your crazy for years to me and today, he is the one that is seeking therapy for mental health issues. I wish him luck as he feels his feeling and cries the buckets of tears I cried. I remember being in group therapy for 4 months and thought I would die from pain. I cried like I have never cried before and shook like a leaf from anxiety. I was able to endure the pain of my past and let it go. It has taken me years to work on letting the past go-a past filled with deep pain of growing up in an alcoholic home and never having my needs met. Today, I keep saying your worth it you can meet your needs, you can do it, and make up for all the lost time of not getting your needs met as a child. I left home at 15 years old and basically had to live life the best I could and by the grace of god, I am here at 49 years old and still going. Sometime, I look back and I say, how did I ever survive? I believe I survived as there was no choice-either find a way or die. I tried psychiatric hospitals, medication, therapy, AA meetings, Al-anon, anything that would help me move forward, but I believe the biggest help has been prayer. I prayed a lot of prayers and each time I was given enough strength to keep going. Today, I still struggle with minding my own business, don't ask questions (I want to know everything) and I probe and ask questions on things that is none of my business. I think I ask questions and inquire about peoples lives as I want to save them. Please tell me your problems and struggles and I will tell you how to deal with it. I am working on "DID THEY ASK, DID THEY SAY, I WOULD LIKE TO TALK WITH YOU, DID THEY ASK FOR MY HELP?" OF COURSE NOT! I INSTEAD PROBE AND ASK QUESTIONS ABOUT THEIR LIVES! I have to remember we all have problems and its not my job to help anyone unless they request it. I am learning as I become clear about what is my business and what is not mine. I cause my own misery by asking and probing. I need to somehow keep busy so I am not obsessed. I keep hearing, when I got busy, I got better. Its hard for me to keep busy now because I am sick and I am at home a lot and I have nothing constructive to do with my energy. I do try and do small things and read as much as I can on here, and get to meetings. I had a great plan this morning, I am going to a AA meeting at noon, but was to tired, I will try for a woman's meeting this evening, if I feel a bit better. I do not drink a lot but I need to try and understand the alcoholic in my life. I still can not understand the concept that once they start they can not stop! to me that makes no sense to me still. I am doing the best I can today and that is most important. I am a work in progress. I had to share this as I am grateful I am crazy! Thanks so much to my ex's and my childhood for drilling that in my head. Now I CAN GET HELP AND LEAVE YOU ALL IN THE DUST!