The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today's reading speaks about the importance of sharing at meetings, both for the person who is doing the sharing and for those that are there to listen. Like the writer, the first year of meetings were difficult for me- depending on what was happening in my life, I would either sit in complete silence or sit in tears. I remember one meeting after which a woman looked at me and simply said -'how are you doing'. I broke down completely because there was so much I wanted to say and had no idea how to start. The reading points out the key of continuing to attend meetings. Over time it becomes easier to sit and hear others and then possible to share our own stories. Just as you never know what someone will say that may reach you, you never know what you might say that may be just the thing someone needs to hear.
When I consider the word 'recover' in terms of getting back something that was lost (me), I see the importance of listening, bearing witness and sharing our experience, strength and hope with others.
I love your reading Mary so very true. I sat
and Listened for a long time before i broke
my Silence. I usually sat and just cried, i
kept showing Up for me to get better.
I still like to just listen not speak especially
If i am in turmoil it calms me down. Its good
For me to speak and i do now. i have a voice
And i take part in the group. Its all a process.
Thank you Mary for shairng thie important concept. I too experiencd difficulty sharing at meetins but felt so much better when I attended (without speaking) that I kept coming back . One day I laned in a "round robin" meeting( theability to share rotates around the room clockwise- No raising hands) I was trapped!!! I had to share or look foolish (to myself) That broke the ice and I have been sharing ever since. The power of simply being present, owning my place and supporting others on this journey is amazing.
I appreciate your service.
Thanks Mary, years ago I was a "spectator" at meetings, unable to share but it was valuable listening time. When I returned to Al-Anon after a loooong hiatus , hearing the familiar routine of the meeting was so comforting and now I am able to fully participate. It has made a very big difference and am grateful that no one ever made me feel bad for not sharing.
Started out by just doing so readings in the group and I branched out from there, one day at a time!
I have a distinct memory of learning the concept of "withholding" - it was a moment when I was in pain, a kind woman was rubbing my back and the group let out a loud call (somerhing we did to gather after scattering outside) but I stayed silent. She gently and lovingly said, "Ah, you are withholding," and continued to rub my back. I cried and she gave me the most knowing and loving hug without ever asking a question.
It was like she unlocked part of my heart that had been withholding my whole life. Another maladaptive behavior from facing a difficult childhood. Even as I am aware of this in myself and have experienced the joy of sharing my full self, old habits can be so hard to break. I am still withholding at meetings and in key relationships, trying to be gentle with myself as I work through those fears holding me back.
Thank you Mary for your share, your ESH, your service and the daily!
I too remember just sitting in my first few meetings trying to not cry. I am not entirely sure why, other than I have a hard time crying in 'public'.....yet another learned behavior from FOO.
I did not share for a while but did my best to actively listen. I spent time trying to relate other people's experience to my home experience. It took me time to figure out that the qualifier might be different and the circumstances too; it was the feelings & self-loathing that was so common. The path to our bottoms also was very similar and I am glad that I kept showing up to listen/understand/learn.
I am so grateful for Al-Anon. It's given me back me and when I share today, it's because it feels right to do so. I feel no pressure to share or to listen, the gift is being a part of instead of a part from. I am so grateful for you all too - my extended MIP family! I still at times wonder where I would be without both!
Make it a great day all - (((group hug)))!!
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
I can look back 33 years to my first meeting. My biggest memory is that i was wearing gumboots, with the tops turned down- and i watched them gumboots right through the meeting...
...i learned about emotions- and slowly over time I learned to express myself around those emotions.
Ours was a small town group- and we became quite close knit. I sometimes resented that groups i went to out of town weren't quite like that- but over time I found my own experience [of everything] was not unique- and also I had stuff to offer, even if it was only a subtle turn of phrase; or an ability to listen and act in appropriate ways- something I gained through a lot of trial and error!
My daily reader became my teddy bear, beginning with One Day At A Time... the then Courage To Change, and now, mostly, Hope for Today. I used to believe that I could detect signs of life and hints of hope where both were tiny and invisible- and I found this worked best when i saw this in myself...
but in other too as I grew stronger... and I sensed that is I listened and came back I would see the changes on others as well... which I have seen...
I love being a part of this great company of people!!!
The very first meeting I attended, in the middle of the meeting tears just ran down my face without stop. The room got silent and the man next to me told me how he lost his entire family as they literally died from the disease.
Many years in hindsight, I think he was trying to communicate the horrible and extensive nature of the disease to validate my tears and that I wasn't alone. At the time, it took all I had to attend a meeting, desperate for support... I didn't hear what I wished to hear at that meeting or several meetings after that one either. Scared, silly, and sad me stopped attending meetings only to return years later, as there is no other place for me to go for help.
I'm so grateful that I found meetings that were warm with comfort and hope and that I was ready to have a different perspective.
