The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I brought all of my MIP family support, my support from my HP, and my alanon toolkit to my Dad's funeral yesterday. For years, I had imagined this moment as being a tortuous culmination of years of being a family scapegoat. What actually happened was none of that. This is another life lesson in my keeping an open mind and working a strong program and allowing my HP to bring miracles. Yet another miracle proof that there is light somewhere in the darkness that I can find if I keep a strong program. I'm now grateful for my growing pains so that I could now arrive at this point, one day at a time. There is hope.
I have come to understand that each one of my family members, including myself, may have a different account of the past... further that the past can be in the past for me even if other people want to dredge it up or hold on to it. Letting go is freeing.
I took my place front and center, next to my Aunt and with my wonderful daughter on my other side. My sister was generous in allowing my choice and I was grateful. It was a short but lovely service. All is as it should be.
My Aunt and Uncle were soft and wishing for a relationship and I am grateful for the opportunity without expectations. My sister wants this as well, but her illness will be extremely limiting... however, I am so much better equipped with boundaries and practice that I know I can handle a little more on the surface before getting sucked into the drama. I'm grateful that my Aunt and Uncle have a better understanding of who is who... it can be so annoying when someone else project themselves onto me and other's see that instead of who I am. (hope that makes sense)
My close friends visited last night. It took a long time to find people that had the ingredients for good friendship and it was the first time they were meeting each other. I looked around the room and felt so blessed for having wonderful people in my life... smiles, support, laughter, kindness, caring... so heart warming and wonderful.
Thank you for listening and for being here. I am grateful and blessed.
(((Bud))) - thanks for coming by and sharing your ESH....I am loving what I read from you about each family member having their own version of 'the past'. I have found that to be similar in my family and 'seeing' that makes the 'letting go and letting God' have so much more meaning.
So glad that in spite of your loss, the ceremony/celebration of his life was an uplifting experience.
Glad to be a part of MIP with you!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Thanks for the update. I'm glad it went much better than you had anticipated. Yes, it's enlightening and humbling to witness responses of other family members in a shared situation. I agree recovery can make all the difference for separating out facts from perception. I'm glad you were surrounded by your loving daughter and friends of your own choosing who you know are able to consistently show up and of course a hp who will never abandon you. You continue in my prayers as you grieve your dad. (((bud)))) TT
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Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.
