The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
The C2C reading for January 18 speaks about keeping the focus on ourselves because by so doing we will discover the best way we can help an alcoholic. The reading suggests that by keeping the focus on ourselves, we are not motivated to try to change someone else's behavior and to do for others what they can do for themselves. If we look objectively at our version of "helping the alcoholic", we can see that we have covered the checks, made excuses and kept them from facing the consequences of their actions. It is important to take time to consider why we feel so desperate, unless we were doing this to relieve our own anxiety.
In Al-Anon we learn a different way to relieve our anxiety and depression. We need to examine our motives and see if we're trying to change another so we can feel better. If so we can see that we are powerless over others, begin to take care of ourselves with prayer, living one day at a time and we can "detach." allowing the others to act without our interference or direction.
The quote is from the Detachment folder "in Al-Anon we learn not to create a crisis. And not to prevent a crisis if it is in the natural course of events"
Thank you Betty for the daily and your ESH. What a great way to start a new day - a reminder that when I do for others, I may be disrupting their path as well as ignoring my own path. I am one who was 'so helpful' before program - I was spread thin with nodda lot left for me. And ... I was so 'under-appreciated' too for all my efforts - ugh!
The program has suggested I just keep one day at a time in my sights, and keep the focus/energy towards me, my recovery and my day. I can do this with the help of the fellowship, the steps and my sponsor. What a gift to know that my 'helping of another at the expense of my own sanity' is not necessary, needed or wanted!
Have a marvelous Monday to one and all!
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Thank you for sharing today's reading and you ESH. I read today's reading and then read your input and it made me realize that I need to be doing this at my work with my boss and coworkers. It's funny to me to realize that I need to use my program in every part of my life. I know it says that, but it was just that aha moment.
Thank you again for posting and sharing.
I was and still am at times the Queen" of helping especially when it came to my children. My help wasn't always asked for but I did it anyways inadvertently giving the message that they aren't capable. I too felt under appreciated because my "help" was never acknowledged. I am learning daily to keep the focus on me and it is very refreshing and I sure have a lot more time now to!
Ditto that Serenity. There are a lot of time that I think "helping" will relieve my anxiety, but then I also realize that my anxiety is sometime unfounded because I have projected and other times I am realizing I have anxiety that I have brought about myself because I'm dipping into my qualifyers (or any one else's) business.
At least I'm at a point where I am being able to question my motives. Happy about that!
