The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Hi, welcome. Much as we are powerless over alcohol, we are powerless over others. Therefore, the only suggestion I have is to work on yourself. If somehow the alcoholic notices it, he may want some recovery.
Going to an Al Anon meeting will help you with your worry. I suggest going to a face to face meeting, or attending an online meeting here, details are in a link on the top-left of the page.
I will do that. Found a meeting f2f for next week. I know I need to detach and that is a tough one when you love someone and you see them destroying their life and their families.
Hello Themoon and glad you are here. Great for you to have found a meeting, my hope is you will find a fellowship of many who understand how you feel and what you are experiencing. You are so right that it is so hard when a qualifier doesn't want to stay connected. Both of my boys at different times have chosen to 'hide' when they are active. I can only guess that they have some shame, remorse and perhaps guilt that keeps them away - but it's nothing more than a guess. I was left with no way of talking to them or knowing if they were well or not. We even went around the homeless center(s) and food kitchen(s) one time looking for my 2nd born son - it was very overwhelming and tiresome.
With the help of Al-Anon, I've gone more old school and do as Betty suggests. I focus on praying for them and for God's will in their life. It is a necessary step for me to retain my sanity and as Kenny points out, I am powerless over what they do or do not do. Using the slogans are helpful when I find myself fearful of the unknown as well as the literature.
(((Hugs))) to you - keep coming back here too - there's almost always someone only a post away!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Hi themoon and welcome :) so glad you have found al anon - a f2f meeting is a great place to begin. When I start "worrying" or obsessing about the A in my life, it is a sign to me that I need to put the focus back on my own program and remember that I am powerless over the A and alcohol, and that worrying about the A will do nothing but rob me of today. The al anon slogans are great tools to use when your mind starts to "go there" (worry, etc) and I also have al anon literature that I read daily and highlight and refer back to. Praying for the A also really puts my mind at ease, remembering to let go and let God. :) Glad you are here!
Glad to see you at the meeting tonight themoon - keep coming back and it will get better.
(((Hugs)))
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Only one of my learned tools is to "schedule and appointment" with a limited period of time to deal with the person, place or thing. The appointment has to be fixed and not open to change and if the issue isn't available It's done for that day or week or month. Living in the moment is very helpful and having healthy and happy things to do in that moment is best. Keep coming back ((((hugs))))
Thank you all! Talking to you all helps a lot. I am keeping my self busy with things I like to do. So, that I stay healthy emotionally and physically as well as socially! It's tough though not to think and worry. But as I read somewhere it's like this: when you go to see a doctor and if the doctor takes on the patient illness then he cannot help the patient.
I try to remember that too, I can't let myself become sick. The only choice I have is to stay healthy in order to be there for her one day when and if she decides to connect.
Themoon, I think the idea that you can't let yourself become sick is very powerful. While I haven't been in your exact situation, I did find that that not wanting myself to become sick from the stress was a great motivator to move forward in a positive direction, instead of wallowing in the pain and anger. You got this, girl!
