The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Life is not all sunny here. About 2xs a week I have these meltdowns. I get anxious,depressed,cry alot and generally have a pity party. Last night I had a big meltdown. Ihad been looking at 30+ yrs of my diaries. I realized that I keep ending up in the same types of relationships. I keep making similar mistakes and not learning. I kid myself in terms of my abilities especially on a job etc. I went into a whale of a crying jag and ripped up all my diaries....
Then I had the urge to call my new boyfriend and warn him about me and my inadequacies etc. This would have not been good because he was stuck in the snow up north during his driving trip to see his cousins.I did not get the job I wanted. It seemed that with my background it would have been a cinch. I guess I cant even get a simple job boo hoo..
so many what ifs and I guess im not letting him make up his mind..like i should, about us.
(((Alyce))) - so very sorry about the job. So very sorry also about the trip down memory lane. That was a bad trip for me for a long, long while - it took some major work with my sponsor and the steps to be able to remember the good from years past. My emotional state was in such a state, that I had to take down all the photos of my boys because every time I walked through my home, it would upset me and send me spiraling downward. I just wanted you to know that I can understand and do relate.
For me, the only way I healed was to combat those moments with program - a phone call, a meeting, a reading, some literature or service work - big/small. Just changing up my scenery helped me change my views, attitudes, perspective.
Be gentle with yourself and trust the program & HP. You've had many changes in your life in a short period of time, and while it's all good ... it is still change. Give yourself a break and be kind to you, be patient with you and see if you can be proud of where you are.
Hope this helps! Know that we're just a post away!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
These are the kinds of realizations that let us have big breakthroughs. It sounds, though, as if it's not your inadequacies that are most relevant to the relationship with your boyfriend, but any that he may have. When I realized (finally, after way too many years) that I wasn't rejecting men who had red flags so huge that they'd sink a battleship, I finally began being more selective. I can't say that I've saved myself an enormous amount of grief, because I'm not great at it yet, but things would have been even worse if I'd kept practicing my old ways.
As I see it, you've developed a great deal of courage very swiftly, and gone out on your own.
I think crying jags are par for the course, crying is a way to release feelings and you've been super-brave and taken a lot of action whilst your feelings were still very raw.
I think if I was you, I'd try to embrace the crying jags as a natural part of healing.
Watching you in admiration!! I do wonder, do you go to meetings now? I know I need them more than ever during times of transition.
(((Alyce)))
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If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see? (Lewis Caroll)
Was just talking about letting go of the confrontational aspect of the old alcoholic chaos. Takes time to retrain
how we live and view life now that we are learning new coping tools.
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"Forgiveness doesn't excuse bad behavior, but it
does prevent bad behavior from destroying your heart". ~ unknown
Hi Alyce! That is normal to have meltdowns! Just ride through them! Like a wave. You're never too old to try something new! Think about what you love to do, and look for a job in that field! That other job wasn't meant to be, you'll get the one just perfect for you. Don't forget Step Three! Don't forget to do something nice for yourself each day!!!!!! This really helps me! Today it's a pedicure!
-- Edited by Inga on Friday 15th of January 2016 05:40:36 PM
-- Edited by Inga on Friday 15th of January 2016 05:41:59 PM
