The material presented
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information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I just had an ahh moment. My alcoholic Bf is playing me a like puppet. He says this and I say that, he says this, and i react with oh what about me, he say this and I go what about me, and then I says I hates his life here, and all I do is work, work and blaa, and I react with words of feeling sorry for him and wanting to save him. By the end of the conversation I am left hurt and devastated. Its like he knows exactly what strings to pull on my heart to get what reaction he wants from me be it hurt, sad, anger, feel sorry for him, make me feel I am crazy, stupid, lazy, ect, all he has to say is what I do not want to hear and I jump with reaction. He has me jumping through hoops to his insane words, ideas, beliefs that he does not even believe himself so he can say I am crazy. I need to just say what ever and not react at all to the words..and say its coming from a sick, sick, person. And when he comes with his crazy idea of another plan, just say what ever and hope it works out and leave it alone. I have to stop, stop reaction to his words like they are the gospel truth and believe anything he says as truth. I am fed up with him making me fear the future and fear being abandoned by him. He is doing this to make me be afraid so I do not move on with my life. He is trying to control me with fear. He use to say I am smart and now I can see his game in complete play and I am refusing to play. Plan of action is if he starts talking about His plans that has nothing to do with me, or include me and I start to feel abandoned or feel afraid, I need to be strong and say I hope your plans work out or drop the conversation and say I have things to do or say to him, talk to someone else about your plans. I am tired of being fed a bunch of garbage. I need to stand up for me and protect my emotions that goes up/down because of what he says. I have had enough!
Great awareness Joker Your time and energy are valuable and cannot be squandered on trying to fix others.
Keep the focus on yourself and what you need and then give it to yourself :)
I remember when I finally was able to have an out of body experience knowing what he would say, what I would say and just how this was so not working for me. Things did change when I started using those moments to choose not to react in the same way.
Hugs S :)
__________________
Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism. If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown
"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
I remember being told after telling my sponsor what I thought was going on and what I needed to do about it...."Okay now get to work" He was talking about getting to work on the changes I saw I needed to do and then...I got to work. I like sanity today. Keep coming back. ((((hugs)))) oh and practice, practice, practice.
oh and practice, practice, practice.