The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Just wanted to provide an update. Since the abf had the talk with me last week, he seems to have changed his tune again. Yesterday, he said to me, don't worry about anything, everything is good. I just said ok and did not respond any further. Since we had the talk and he did says me and my daughter should find out own place, I have not longer given him any loving validation. He texts and says "love" to me and I just keep the text back as straight as possible with no loving words attached. I just keep the conversation to the point. I went out Saturday night to a near by pub and it was so good to get out of the house and socialize. I found an al-anon meeting and I will be going tonight. I am waiting to hear back from the lawyer and start preparing a plan of action for the house that I have half title to. I have been reading a lot of the messages here on line and really trying to focus on me. Its unreal, one day its all about him moving home to his home town and living his life and now its don't worry. The highs and lows I have decided I will not participate in anymore. I have to keep reminding myself its just words coming from a sick person. I am working on me now and what I want and leaving him out of the question, yet I feel a sense of guilt when I do that. I want US but I see that there is no us and never will be. I have to do what I must do to protect myself and not believe anything he says. I prayed about this last night and I am leaving it to god. I can not figure it out. We have lived together one year next month. I cried a lot since we had the talk and it felt good to let this all out. I feel emotionally stronger now that I have made the decision to protect my investment by contacting a lawyer. I feel hope that I will get myself back on track!
Thanks for the update Joker. I pray that you continue to keep the focus on yourself and take the next right action for yourself
Positive thoughts on the way.
Lovely update Joker and I really like you chose you and keeping the focus on you. Prayers and positive thoughts continue from my world as well - one moment at a time, one day at a time, you will continue to feel better. You are right that they are just words from a sick person......believing that and practicing self-care are awesome ways to look at where you are in this process.
Keep us posted on how the meeting goes! I love follow-up messages from folks who are attending their first meeting or their first in a while. Good for you!!
(((Hugs)))
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
i spoke with the lawyer and I am entitled to half of the house value, not what he says he will give me. I made an appointment with the lawyer for this week and I am going to give him a retainer fee just to have my bases covered and he can not kick me and my daughter out as he said, "we should get our own place." I have options, he either buys me out or I buy him out or sell the house and I get half of the value. I am grateful, I have emergency funds set aside and I am taking it out and give it to the lawyer, so I can be protected. I am not going to be taken for a ride. Nope, nope. Today, he posted on Facebook he is buying a boat in his home province. What ever. I just let it go and say what ever. I have a plan and back up-a very good lawyer. I am grateful. Just listening to al-anon on utube. I just have to let it all go!
I also have taken my engagement ring off and not giving him the time of day anymore. I am looking at myself as a single woman! I am taking steps to look after me!
lots of support to you from me. as a woman that just left a 25 yr old marriage, its no picnic to do. However, u will find extra space in your head when its only decesions for yourself and your ownself you have to deal with. I didnt realiza all the things i had to carry in my head from xah. all of his problems, information about himself,etc. Keeping those thoughts and keeping worried thoughts out of my mind is a job for me and higher power.
