The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have gotten to the point where I just need to find a sponsor and work the program. I don't know if this is possible online. I have tried to go to meetings in my area (there are only 2 a week) but I can't find the location of one of them and I am not getting enough support where I am at. I had a sponsor where I was at previously but she was sometimes unavailable and cannot help me much now that I have moved away. My situation is scary, I am a mother to a 2-year old, I am getting some help from my family but there are days I just don't know how I will EVER make it. My son's father is an alcoholic and he hasn't bothered to come and see us in months. He won't get any counseling or go back to AA. He is threatening to take legal action against me, only I have been away for so long I probably have jurisdiction in another state if it comes down to it. I have kept the lines of communication open for our son's sake but I have caught his father being aggressive over the phone and have had to put a stop to the conversations before. I cannot imagine ever going back and subjecting myself and our son to the kind of abuse and instability that was going on. I suffer from PTSD and anxiety. I sought help for these issues long ago and after getting the guts to get myself and our son out of that toxic environment, it seems I need help now more than ever!
Bottom line today is that I fear the alcoholic has Korsakoff-Wernicke Syndrome, is somewhat psychotic intermittently, and will do something that will threaten my welfare and the welfare of our son. I also suspect he has more health issues and of course, he refuses to get health insurance or see a doctor. I am also scared to initiate legal proceedings (though I will if I have to) because I have heard so many horror stories of how the legal system has failed to protect women and their children in these kinds of situations. If someone could reach out and share a success story or help me deal with the feelings I am having, I would be extremely grateful. I need empowerment and some peace.
Welcome to MIP - so sorry for what brings you, but glad you found us and your courage to share.
We do not give advice in Al-Anon, except in situations of abuse. If you are truly concerned for your safety and the safety of your child, I suggest you contact any/all local agencies necessary to be protected. He may have more than the disease, he may not. That's not important for the 'now' - what is important is you and your child.
You are correct that getting a sponsor and working the steps/program will help you. It's so hard to process and focus on what's best to do when we are clouded by the disease or the diseased. A great gift is the one day at a time slogan. This helps me tons when I am projecting into the future or stuck on an issue from the past. Usually, I can get my thinking back to the here and now and come to the conclusion that I am OK - just for today, in the here and now.
Stay safe, and there are two meetings each day here (check the top left for the times and the link to the meeting room).....that may help you find some relief for the here and now.
(((Hugs))) - this disease is powerful and painful. Throw yourself into the program and see if that doesn't help with your fear and anxiety.
Keep coming back - we're just a post away!
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
get a specific restraining order is my advice though we arent supposed to give advice. it is good for like 21 days and then can be renewed in front of a judge. I defintely think it helped me even more if i had agreed to the 1yr restraint. anyway, it covers you,kids and anyone u care about and is specific to u.
alyce
We can't tell you what to do because we don't know the whole story. We don't know your full emotional investment. We don't know you. We can tell you what we have experienced or what we have heard told to us by others who have experience. My hubby's cousin had Karsakoff-Wernicke, but the family told everyone that he had "sorta like" Alzheimers. He ended up in a nursing home. He was in his 60's.
You need to figure out what you need to do to protect yourself and your son. Call legal aid in your area. Get on it before you need it so you don't end up in a long list of people that need help. Maybe you can call or email your old sponsor and ask her if she will talk to you over the internet. Tell her what you are doing for yourself.
I guess all you can do is start by starting....... Do one thing. Then next week, or tomorrow, do the next one thing. I would call a women's shelter or legal aid and find out what they have to offer and what you have to do to get their services.
I was very worried that the legal system wouldn't protect my child from having to be in the care of his dad, who is not violent or dangerous, but is an alcoholic and unsafe. I'd heard the horror stories too. When it came to it, I got a lawyer who was familiar with alcoholism, and he helped me document the behavior and put safeguards in place. The legal agreement we ended up with means that the A won't have unsafe access to our child. So that was a happy ending for us. It was put to him in a way that he didn't find offensive ("If either party is impaired," etc., as if I might be too!), so that helped. The up side to A's being absentee parents is that sometimes they don't care whether they have a lot of legal access - I'll hope that that's the case for your A. Take good care of yourself - one step at a time.
Domestic violence Has support groups
and one on one counseling among other
resources and services.
In my area we have new hope for women.
Sponsors are not trained therapists some
Situations need more care than others
especially The Potential for violence.
If he is not coming around leave it that way
And work on you and take care of your child.
You both deserve to be safe. Keep going to
Your meetings they will help you cope better
and Get strong on the inside.
Your ex needs to take care of his own recovery
And problems. You can not fix him or save him
from himself or make him into a good father.
