The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Hi everyone, as you can see from the subject I'm new here and just starting out on my journey to try and help myself after all the problems I have had in dealing with my mother since a young age. I guess I just need to know that I'm not the only one out there dealing with these issues and I'm hoping to be able to help myself by doing these online forums since I don't have the time to go to any meetings in my area. I also hope that by telling my story, it will help someone else like me realize that they aren't alone either. Soo here goes: When I was little I used to have the best mom in the world, she would do anything to help anyone...then something changed and I honestly have no idea what it was. She started drinking more and doing less with my siblings and I. In the beginning it wasn't too bad because she never really lashed out at us for anything. Then as we got older, her drinking continued to increase and her behavior got worse and worse. Anyway, now I'm at the point where I dread every time I see her or I see that she has called/texted me because I know she is most likely drunk and that when she is, the conversations never end well. The last time we talked was a week ago and it ended up with her yelling at me telling me my dead grandfather is disgusted with me and would hate to see the person I have become. She says things like this so often that I am starting to actually believe it must be true. I have tried just cutting her out of my life but then my family always sticks up for her saying its not her fault and that I should just forgive her and move on. I want to do that, but it's hard to do when every time I talk to her she is drunk and she starts another fight with me....does anyone have any advice??
Welcome Lacey Your response to your mom's behavior, while drinking is understandable and many can identify with it. As you have noted ,alcoholism is a progressive, chronic, fatal disease that can be arrested but not cured. You are powerless over this disease as you did not cause it, cannot control it and cannot cure it.
Dealing with the insaniiy of this disease causes each member of the family to become negatively affected so as to need a program of recovery of their own. You indicated that Mom's constant telling you about your being a disappointment has you believing it. This unfortunately this is is how the disease affects family members . There is hope as Alanon is a successful recovery program for family members. Face to face meetings are held in most communities and the hot line number is in the white pages. Here I broke the terrible isolation caused by attempting to live in the insanity of the disease, I was given new tools to live by and a supportive network of people who understood as few others can.
I too welcome you to MIP Lacey. Glad you found us and glad that you shared. So sorry for the circumstances which you arrived, but did want to share that you are not alone.
If your schedule doesn't allow for face to face meetings, I encourage you to reconsider. While we have meetings here twice a day (see top left for times & link to meeting room), there is no replacement for the support and fellowship of local meetings. Recovery is a personal journey, but it is the common reactions, feelings, situations that bind us and help us share strategies aligning with the 12 Steps of Al-Anon for recovery and relief.
I hope you find some peace in knowing you are not alone and that you keep coming back! (((Hugs)))
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
I know I should look into the face to face al anon meetings, but my schedule really doesn't allow me time for them. I currently work full time and am in nursing school full time as well :/
You do sound super busy Lacey - maybe the online meetings here would be a nice start. You don't know unless you try one - right?
Keep coming back and support you however you can during your busy life. We're just a post away!
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
