The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Courage to Change reading for January 2 points out that turning to the alcoholic for affection and support is like going to the hardware store for bread..
We may have an expectation that a good parents should nurture us and support our feelings or a loving spouse comfort us and hold us when we are afraid. Well, these loved ones may not meet our expectations.
We must realize that it's our expectations and not our loved ones that have let us down.
We must understand that love is expressed in many ways and those affected by alcoholism may not be able to express it the way we would like. We can try to recognize the effort wherever it is offered and when it is we do not have to feel deprived.
With the encouragement and support of others we learn to treat our needs as important and appropriate and to treat ourselves as deserving.
The quote is from One Day at aTtime in Al-Anon; "in Al-Anon I discovered myself the power to throw new light on the seemingly hopeless situation. I learn I must use this power, not to change the alcoholic over which we are powerless but to overcome my own distorted ideas and attitudes."
I had a great deal of work to do in this respect and am so glad that I did so. All my relationships and interactions have improved
Good morning Betty and thanks for the daily and ESH. I too had so much work to do. It took me a long while to realize that all those 'expectations that should be normal' of my AH and my parents and my sons were just not so. They were mine, created by what I felt/saw/thought I saw to be normal.
I had to relearn what appears normal is not always so. Each of us, no matter our role or title has different wants/needs. Expecting or assuming anyone else can meet those is not a solution for peace and serenity in my life. I am grateful that the program has taught me to rethink what I expect from others, and that self-care and working on me is where the real solution is.
I agree that I had a ton of work to do in this area and also that my interactions/relationships have improved. I am grateful that my own distorted ideas, attitudes and expectations have been changed through recovery and self-discovery and that I am learning that true peace, serenity and joy come from within.
Make it a great day!!
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
i believe that we are way to hard on ourselves sometimes. my unrealistic expectations of myself always seem to be larger than even my expectations of my xah. i have realized that many of these feelings are rooted in my childhood. my mother didnt nurture or care for me. Especially when i wwas ill even with just a cold. She considered it a nusiance and bother. so when i get sick, i get impatient and dont always care for myself and give myself a break, which i believe is the "norm"
Many thanks to you for today's reading. I do still struggle with expectations and am always a work in progress.
Am very grateful to Al-Anon for the tools that I have learned to use to overcome the sadness and everyday
does get better. {{HUGS}}
__________________
"Forgiveness doesn't excuse bad behavior, but it
does prevent bad behavior from destroying your heart". ~ unknown
