The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have been in and out of Alanon since I was 19 years old. More in than out thank God. Though I had a major relapse 5 years ago but got myself back into the rooms.
I had relocated to a new state for a Job and started going back to Alanon face to face meetings and I just didn't feel comfortable at several of the meetings. I tried to get involved but it didn't work. I am a double winner and I do not know if that had something to do with it.
So an old timer suggested I try other meetings and that seem to work.
I was just wondering if anyone else experienced this.
Welcome to MIP justme1900 - glad you found us and glad you shared!
I attended one group here and they were lovely but I didn't feel it was a good fit. I went to another, and felt more at home. I kept showing up and now truly feel a 'part of'.
I am all for trying new groups until you find one where you feel right. Looking back on it now, I don't think it was them at all - I think it was just where I was at that point in my life/program.
I am a double winner too - and there are others here!
We have online meetings if that interests you - check the top left for the times and the link to the meeting room!
Keep coming back - you are not alone!!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
In the time I have been in program (both...I am also a double) I have learned that there always is some thing supportive my goals in recovery. I also learned the mind set "Its not all about you" and the realization that get got along well before me and will while I am there and then after. I use the personal slogan "Could you be wrong?" when I get into thinking and feeling that "they" are not like me or thoughts like that which don't often happen now. I feel welcomed because HP is in the program and meeting and that is the relationship most important for me. Good post...important. ((((hugs))))
I clicked on this post thinking it was a reply to one I had posted just like it probably 4 months ago. I too felt the same way when I first went. My first 2 meetings I didn't think I wanted to go back but I kept going and I am so glad I did. We have a very small core group of about 6-8 that attend regularly. I felt like they might be sort of 'clickish' and keeping to themselves but I think it was more me and being in a new situation than them.
But I don't know the group you are in. You could try a few more meetings and see if it gets better and then look for a meeting somewhere else. Sometimes what someone says or does during a meeting sets the 'tone' for a meeting and that sort of upset me at first.
It takes getting used to a new group. I don't know what I would do without my group. I guess I went in with certain expectations of how it was supposed to be . I think I was also thinking I was going to make some new friends and that hasn't happened but that is not what it is for.
Hope you find one that you can be happy with.
-- Edited by catlover26 on Friday 1st of January 2016 06:53:17 PM
I can understand not feeling welcomed right away, but as others have suggested, it might be worth giving the meeting a chance.
Here's my experience: The first meeting I went to ... feeling in great despair, getting lost on the way, wondering if I had found the right building, ready to pour my heart out to anyone who would understand ... I got there a bit early and was greeted very warmly and enthusiastically by the one member who had arrived before me. She seemed so genuinely glad to see me and thrilled that I had come. I will never forget that welcome.
Now that I'm a one-year-plus member and active in that same meeting, I would love to greet others the same way I was greeted. But I just don't have that outgoing personality. I'm more quiet, andam more likely to come up to someone after the meeting if they've shared something that I also experienced. I genuinely feel so happy when newcomers or old-timers or anyone show up at the meeting ...I want to be there for anyone who needs it, and am so grateful that we come together to share our pain, experience, and hope. I guess I just express it in my own way. So I wanted to give the perspective that welcome might not be immediately obvious, but might be there nonetheless.
I also wonder about this, Just Me. I recently have been getting the feeling that I am not part of the group, an outsider. Sometimes I arrive at a meeting and people are talking about another member, and that worries me, so i tend to withdraw. I also get the feeling sometimes that I'm the odd one out. And maybe I am. But it's also about me being myself, being who I am and letting other people be who they are. Most of the members of my home group are loving and kindly, and I am thinking that the days when I feel less than welcome could be linked to the attitude I walk in with, rather than a personal rejection. I am dealing with a family rejection at the moment, and I suppose I am seeing rejection everywhere I look. I am trying the online chats because I am feeling this generalised rejection in my group. I will continue to go, continue to work the programme, and do what I can to look into my own heart. There were some lovely responses to an earlier post on rejection written here, and I found them incredibly helpful.
Hey bronze - welcome to MIP - so glad you found us and glad you shared.
My hope is that you feel welcome here - it's a great place and I'm so grateful I found it!
Keep coming back - we're all just a post away!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Yeah. Sometimes I hear stuff as a double winner that grates on me. I see people blaming alcoholics for their own problems and sometimes even people sober for years and years and the person still wants to blame all the issues on alcoholism. I have to be careful with when to just zip it because many people come into alanon to just bitch about their qualifier and it may take months of being unconditionally loved and receiving the message before they are ready to focus on themselves. I'm only 7 years sober and have yet to hear my spouse blame any of our problems on alcoholism. Cannot imagine him doing that if I am still sober in another 20 years. So my experience here does color my interpretations. I am a bit less compassionate to active alcoholics and need to work hard to not take inventories in alanon, even when people sometimes s3em to glaringly advertise their inventory by stating the same problem a billion times and not taking any suggestions to focus and work on self. Those things might cause some folks in alanon to view me as abrasive an judgmental.
-- Edited by pinkchip on Sunday 3rd of January 2016 02:06:40 PM
I started going to Al Anon at about 5 years in AA. Knowing a little more about the human condition I decided to go to at least 3 Al Anon meetings a week for at least a month. Of course at first I felt like you - seemingly unwelcome. Most of my prejudices are self made and defensive barriers. I was welcome at all times but it was my perception that was out of whack. Naturally after the 30 days I felt part-of.
KevinL - welcome to MIP! Glad you found us and glad you shared!
Hope you stick around - we have several 'double-winners' here, myself included!
Keep coming back ... we're just a post away!
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
