The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am new to Al-Anon and I am confused by what my responsibility as the AH's Wife is supposed to be. He is currently at a treatment center. I have promised to stop drinking as well(not because I have a drinking problem but just for support)Well, my best friend and her husband are coming over tonight to spend some time with me since I am all alone with the kids and have no other friends. Would it be wrong of me to have a drink or two? I am not near him because he is in treatment but I do not want for him to feel unsupported. Am I being too codependent by worrying how he will feel? Honestly this should be the least of my worries but I just want to have a relaxing night with my best friend and forget about everything that's going on for One night. I know advice is not what is given in Al-Anon but any personal insight or experiences would be much appreciated. Thank you so much for listening!
I see no reason why you cannot enjoy a drink or 2 with your friends tonight or any night. It is noble that you want to support your hubby by not drinking however alanon suggest that each member make their own decisions regarding this topic. Remember we are truly powerless over people, places and things.
Thank you Betty, I suppose I am learning step one and now I just need to live it. I just hate feeling guilt when I am doing nothing wrong. I need to get out of my head and just relax, stop worrying about how it might effect him because he is responsible himself and I am responsible for myself. I am slowly finding out how codependent I really am
Welcome to MIP Fresh - so glad you found us and glad you shared too!
The best gift of Al-Anon is learning that we are responsible and accountable only for our own actions/reactions. You are free to do what you want to do and responsible for your health, joy, peace, etc. You're not responsible for anyone else's choices, actions, reactions, etc. His recovery is his personal journey and your recovery is yours!
Have a great evening and relax with friends - sounds perfect to me!
(((hugs))) - keep coming back!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Before Al-Anon I feel I made a mistake in agreeing to be sober with my husband to help him stop drinking. I now see this was a controlling behavior. I began to resent that I "could not drink" and this placed a burden and resentment on how I felt towards him. I wish I had been in Al-Anon before I made this agreement. But I wasn't - oh well - letting it go! Now I am trying to live my life asI I please and let him live his. I now have a drink if I am out with girlfriends without him. I still struggle with what to do at parties etc but I am working on meeting my own needs and letting him take care of himself. The trouble is he is dry over 2 years but has no program. That is not my problem, it is his. If his sobriety is shaky due to that then so be it. I have to live my life. If I don't then I get resentful and that harms our relationship anyhow.
My experience only.
I hope you have a fun New Years Eve in the way that feels best to you.
I have drank, and also not, in front of A. If the two of us went out for dinner, I chose not to because I felt awkward even though he said he was fine with it. I think some of that comes from growing up in a home with an active A...drinking alone seemed taboo to me. If we were at a function with lots of people drinking, I would also have a drink if I felt like it. I just worried about what was right for me at the time!
One thing I never did as an adult was drink with my A father at family dinners etc. I felt like that would have been condoning his behaviour or something like that at the time (before I had a program ). Unfortunately he never found recovery and died from the disease...so I'm ok with my choice.
