The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
In the church, I was taught ...If everything is going well in your life, something is wrong.......I was also taught to cast all your worries on Him...which is Let go Let God......and in the last 4 1/2 months I have been doing this. I have also been taught to trust God......I have been attending the online meetings when I can, and f2f when I can, but not as much as I would like to. Now back to trust...by attending the meetings is this saying I do not trust God? In my heart, I dont think so as I feel I was lead by God to be here, and I thank Him everyday for such.
You are probably thinking OH Lord where is she going with this...well thats where the confused in my subject comes in..ha....
Last Monday my AH was extremely drunk...nothing unusual before the holiday so I kind of expected it....That evening MIL asked if we could have Christmas here at my house, which we usually do at her house. That was no problem for me. (I had a lot of cleaning up to do..and some quick decorations to make it festive)... So I got up and started to clean...AH said what are you doing? cleaning I said....and his sarcastic remark was Oh my God your cleaning? Now in the past my response would have been harsh...very harsh. and I shouldnt have said anything but my mouth got the best of me and said "Well someone has to do it" . Mind you I go out the door 5 days a week to my groom class trying to learn a profession, while he sits at home playing games on his computer listening to preachers about the end times and drinking ......He has not worked in 10 yrs...and yes I still love this man......Anyway...he gets up stumbling to help...so i then said I will just start this tomorrow...I didnt want him to fall.......So Tuesday comes and bright and early I get started....and he helps me..which was a shock to my system and I dont say a word, i just let him....and he stayed sober that day...Wed...same thing...Thursday to my shock same thing...now the house is all purty and ready for the holiday....Christmas day...still sober.....the weekend..still sober...and if he doesnt drink today that will make 9 days... I do not question it...and if he brings it up I tell him how good he is doing.
Every night before I go to bed I thank God for another good day with AH... He is laughing again...fun to be with and I almost hate that I have to leave each day for my learning..but I know I have to stick with it.....He does get a little cranky now and then but I would rather have cranky than drunk. ........... I wish he would find a program but I dare not say anything to him....I do wonder why there is no detox jitters...or maybe I just dont see them....which makes me a little curious...maybe everyone doesnt have that?....Im not questioning it. I do know he is not drunk when I get home....the good old kiss and sniff...LOL.....
So for the last week life has been good...ODAT right? no expectations, enjoy it while it lasts and just hope that it lasts.... Its not the first time this has happened...Although the last time when I thought it was 12 days he confessed to me that he had one drink each of those days before I got home from work to take the edge off he said......So I dont know if thats what is happening this time or not and I will not ask. Thanks for letting me vent....
((Debra)) Thanks for such a lovely share. I am happy for you.
I believe that HP does not do for us what we can do for ourselves so that by attending meetings and using the program, we are picking up the instruments HP has placed for our recovery .
We have Doctors to see when we are physically ill and program meetings to attend for our own recovery. HP has provided both and it is up to us to use them. You are doing great in "letting go" and using the tools.
Hey Debra - great to 'see' ya.....For me, when I get confused over what is vs. why, I just have to stop over-thinking 'it'. I always am looking for the cause so I can change it if possible or retain it if possible. What the program has taught me is I am not staying present in moments like this and I should just enjoy and stop thinking.
We learn in program and life that 'this too shall pass' or 'nothing lasts forever'. I believe that we are given moments of peace, clarity and/or pain to be reminded of how non-permanent most things are. We are given these life events to remind us of the beauty in life as well as the challenges in life. We are to stay present and see what there is to learn vs. how I do - overthink and try to hold on to 'it'.
So, happy that the holidays have been peaceful for you - that's a miracle in itself for those of us living with this disease. Stay present and enjoy whatever comes your way, each day, one day at a time. (((Hugs))) - I also agree with Betty - 'faith without works is dead' - for me this means that I must take the action put in front of me for God's will to influence my life. I can pray and meditate until the cows come home, but if I never put my feet on the floor and put one foot in front of the other, God's grace is limited for me.
Make it a great day!!
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
I am thrilled that you are having good times, you deserve them dear friend. My H has also been sober since Labor Day. I am taking it all in stride and am not convinced that this will be permanant but I can hope. Afterall what is life without hope?
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Thank you everyone!!! You have all been a big help..... thats why I come here to vent..ha ha...because the input helps to ease my mind.....I may have been dealing with this for 14 years but I have not been in recovery for that long so it helps me a lot to let loose sometimes HA! HAPPY NEW YEAR!
