The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have a disabled daughter that is 21 years old living with me. She has physio affective disorder. She stays in her room 24 hours a day and is not able to do anything for herself. I have to be her life line and help her with getting things she needs done. Its really stressful and I monitor her condition as well. She has a nurse that checks on her as well and a psychiatrist she sees. She has been hospitalized for her condition a few times already. Her father lives in another province but he is coming in new year to deal with his mental condition. He is to go for some kind of therapy. We have been divorced for many years now. It was a rough marriage and divorce. Since my daughter got sick, I have had to care for her. He and his new wife refuse to. I have been sick for the past year almost and nearly died. I still have medical issues that I have to see 2 specialist about in the new year. Some days are hard for me as I am so sick. I am on disability payments through work. So I am home 24 hours most days. yesterday, I asked my ex-husband to help me with my daughter when he is here in the city. I told him what needs to be done and it lead to a lot of blaming me. What is wrong with you why can you not do it, what is the matter with her, your home with her you deal with it. I feel so stressed dealing with her and my medical issues and I feel no support from him. I feel angry. And I made the mistake of talking to my bf who is working about this and he started in on me. He says she is 21 years old, she can do things for herself, she is in her room 24 hours a day what is wrong with her...and on and on he goes. He says I am working outside in the cold all night (does night shift) and you and her are home all day and night. You need to get back to work too. I feel no support from him either. I am so angry and reevaluating my relationship with my bf. He quit drinking 3 months ago and has been unbearable to be around. He is gone working out of town and that helps me as I am alone her with my daughter. I feel a relationship should be based on supporting each other and I feel no support from him at all. He thinks I am making up my sickness and wanting to stay off work. I feel angry that he does not believe that I am sick. The doctors have run tests and can not figure out what is causing the right side of my stomach area, near my hip bone to be in severe pain. So bad that I can not move or walk or sit up some days. They did find infection inside my stomach. I was put on medication for that and I have to do follow up in New year for that. I am going to see an internal specialist in the new year. I know just know there is something wrong. I had my gull bladder removed and from there experienced all kinds of issues that nearly killed me. I was in the hospital for a month. Since then, I have had the pain on my right side that is so bad that I have to lay in bed most days just for the pain to settle down, Movement of any kind makes it worse. In the last month I have started to loose weight. I am near the end of my rope of feeling I have no support from my current bf and ex with my daughter. I feel angry that I am in this situation with the current bf and I feel a lot of resentment toward him and question my future with him. I feel used and beat up and so tired of managing a helpless situation. I just want to run away from all this and not be held responsible for my daughter, get better and start working again. I know that I am dealing with sick people, including my current bf but some support and understanding would be helpful. I just feel so angry, angry, angry. I just want to run away!
((Joker))) What you are feeling is understandable. Is is possible to obtain additional " home care assistance" for yourself and daughter?
Positive thoughts and prayers on the way .
Joker - (((Hugs))) for you - it sounds like you have it rough.....sending prayers your way and positive thoughts.
I would reach out to any agency available for assistance. I know here is the states, we have avenues for federal, state, county and city assistance for situations like this. Perhaps there are some resources that you aren't aware of? I am one who often is slow to seek help, and then it becomes much worse and bigger - in reality and in my mind.
So sorry that he is of no help. You asked, which was a great step - you gave him an opportunity to provide help and he declined. Begin researching alternatives and see what you can come up with.
I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers, as well as your daughter. Know that we're just a post away!!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
I too am sorry to hear that you have reached a difficult period and would also suggest getting in touch with as many social service agencies as you can to see what kind of physical, emotional and financial assistance you can qualify for. As far as your expectations for your ex and bf I would try to control those, when I have expectations of my AH, I am usually disappointed and in Al-Anon we learn to not have them because they generally lead us into disappointment. Wishing you and your daughter a healthier and happier New Year.
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"Forgiveness doesn't excuse bad behavior, but it
does prevent bad behavior from destroying your heart". ~ unknown
