The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
i spent Christmas with my husband and his daughter and his sister and brother. I grew up in a alcoholic home. Something triggered me at my sister in laws. She had photos of my husbands first wife and photos of his first wedding and no photos of me and my husband. It was weird. I felt uncomfortable. I couldn't get my emotions back on track, even though I was trying not to take it personally. I was too afraid to call anyone on the phone list. I told my husband I don't want to spend Christmas with them anymore. . Is that wrong. I am not strong enough to deal with them. He is very close with his family and they are angry at me for taking their brother away from them. I try to limit my time with them because I cannot handle their judgements and criticism and meddling. Is that wrong? Am I a bad wife? My family does not make demands on my time, etc.
Welcome Prayer Warrior Holidays are difficult. I can understand how you felt invisible at your hubby's family gathering and am happy that you found MIP and shared .
I would like to suggest that before you make any decisions, that you search out alanon face to face meetings in your community and attend. At these meetings I discovered that I could develop new constructive tools to live by. This was very essential to my recovery because by growing up in an alcoholic home, I developed many negative tools to live by. One of which was walking away from situations and not attempting to find a different solutions. Alanon provides a safe place to connect with others who understand as few other can and great new tools to live by Keep coming back There is hope.
Because judgement was and sometimes still is one of our character defects we learn how not to continue doing it. We don't judge because we are not capable. Often we are wrong and at times when we are right our egos self centeredness get out of hand. You were expressing choices for the justifications you had and that is your responsibility. You expressed them honestly and openly to the person that connects you to the cause and that is honest. After a while you learn not to second guess your perceptions and solutions which is what I learned in face to face Al-Anon meetings. What ever the "others" felt about it was their own choice and consequence and not all of that was bad. I've had situations like you have had because I was married several times. I learned to accept...accept that there was a life before me and to not take it personal. In Al-Anon one of the many lessons we learn is QTIPping....Quit Taking It Personal. A powerful lesson and change. Keep coming back...you're the first lady now. (((((hugs))))) r
Welcome prayer warrior to MIP - so glad you found us and glad you shared.
You are not a bad wife and you are not wrong to share what you feel you can not handle/be around...
Having said that, based on your upbringing, what you are reacting to may or may not be 'normal' to another, which is possibly the disconnect between you and them.
My family is very judgmental - not all but many. It used to bother me on all levels to be around when they began their 'discussions' of others. The program gave me the strength to make different choices and react differently to situations that make me uncomfortable. It can help you too.
Al-Anon is for family members and friends of alcoholics. It is based on the 12 steps which we work to look at ourselves, work on ourselves and become the best version of ourselves we can be.
Finding local meetings would be awesome as this would provide you with local support. My hope is you will choose to try some to see if it's a good fit for you.
You are not alone - keep coming back here - we are glad to have you around!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
. Is that wrong. I am not strong enough to deal with them. He is very close with his family and they are angry at me for taking their brother away from them. I try to limit my time with them because I cannot handle their judgements and criticism and meddling. Is that wrong? Am I a bad wife? My family does not make demands on my time, etc. 