The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
"Recovery doesn't protect us from life. It enables us to live more fully and deal with life's problems as they arise." - Paths to Recovery
I haven't been doing active step work for a few years -- I kind of stalled out after 5. I had some external excuses (moving a lot, didn't have a sponsor in my new locations) but I think the real reason I hadn't been able to move on to step 6 is that I hadn't really, in my heart, completed step 3. Reading that quote from Pathways to Recovery has given me a whole new perspective on step 3, and I think I may finally be ready to find a sponsor again and start seriously working the steps.
What had been holding me back on step 3 was thinking that turning my will and my life over to the care of a Higher Power meant "OK, this Higher Power is going to run my life for me now." That's a difficult idea to begin with, and made more complicated by the fact that I am an atheist and use the Al-Anon program as my Higher Power. I can't turn my sister over to the program and expect that the program will make sure she's OK, and I can't turn my concerns about employment over to the program and expect that the program will find me a job when I need one. The obvious illogic of that kept me from really and truly committing to step 3. But maybe that isn't how step 3 is supposed to work -- even for religious people who have God as a Higher Power, God is not a magical wish-granting machine!
I think step 3 really means understanding that I need a Higher Power to give me the strength and wisdom to deal with life. My Higher Power, the Al-Anon program, can do that, and my life is much better when I allow it to do so.
I have made a lot of progress in my life over the last few years: becoming less over-involved in my qualifiers' lives, leaving a terrible boss, and starting graduate school. A lot of that progress is attributable to Al-Anon. And yet, whenever my life starts getting good, my involvement in Al-Anon decreases until the next big problem hits. For me, part of step 3 is realizing that I need Al-Anon all the time, as a way of life, not just when crisis hits - trusting the guidance of the program and its principles in every aspect of my life.
atheos - what a great post and an ever better realization. I can relate to what you are saying and have been there as well. This last time when I was crazier than crazy, I decided to love myself enough to do exactly what was suggested - program work each and every day. In my world, there are days where it may be as little as reading a daily and posting here. Then there are other days where I will go to a meeting, meet with a new person, work on step(s), etc. But, I committed to something program related each day - and I try as best as possible to do morning and night reflections to keep me program centered.
I believe it's easy for me to get distracted. Not always bad distractions, but there is something in my make-up which takes a good thing/event/moment and turns it into an obsession. I have defined myself before as All or Nothing - so I'm all in (project, sport, cleaning) or I'm all out. I've been trying real hard to remove absolutes and look for shades of gray. My life-time 'all-out' was golf. I have disliked golf as long as I can remember. My father has golfed my whole life, and so did my brothers. I resented the sport as my father never watched me in my activities as there was always a competing event with my brothers, or he just chose to play golf.
As I aged and we kids grew up and moved out, my mother started golfing. I just eye-rolled over it really never saying anything, but just continued to refuse to play, try, enjoy it at all. I met my husband, and....you guessed it, he too is a golfer. *Sigh* - such a silly, silly game - hitting a white ball all over for sport? Made no sense to me as 'fun'.
Flash forward 25 years of hating golf, avoiding it always, calling myself a golf orphan and golf widow and guess what? My great and lovely sponsor (who golfs) retired this year and asked me if I would want to try golfing.....she knows the back-story. Before I could say my standard No thank you, I found myself saying, "I guess I'll try anything once." I about died and so ... we golfed.
We then began to golf once a week. I stink at it and really don't like it, but it's not about the sport for me with her - it's about the fellowship. We are golfing while talking life, program, recovery, steps, powerlessness, etc. I believe because I have made a commitment to embrace the program every day, good or bad, that I am changing for the better and am leaning towards a more shades of gray life.
So - believe in anything greater than you and one day at a time, commit to working on you with this program and I think you too will find/see/feel change. I feel calmer, happier, peaceful and serene most moments of most days. When craziness surrounds me I can now see it as a 'moment' vs. a day. The program has done things in me and for me that are beyond my understanding, and I'm grateful beyond words!
I love that quote you wrote! It speaks volumes with very few words and makes so much sense for me today in my recovery. Good luck with your step work....if you look to the top right, you'll see that Betty (hotrod) posts a new step every 2 weeks....it's a great way to work them and/or see how others are working them or planning to work them. I'm behind but it's always a great way to fill time by working on or writing about a step!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
"Recovery doesn't protect us from life. It enables us to live more fully and deal with life's problems as they arise." - Paths to Recovery
I think step 3 really means understanding that I need a Higher Power to give me the strength and wisdom to deal with life. My Higher Power, the Al-Anon program, can do that, and my life is much better when I allow it to do so.
I have made a lot of progress in my life over the last few years: becoming less over-involved in my qualifiers' lives, leaving a terrible boss, and starting graduate school. A lot of that progress is attributable to Al-Anon. And yet, whenever my life starts getting good, my involvement in Al-Anon decreases until the next big problem hits. For me, part of step 3 is realizing that I need Al-Anon all the time, as a way of life, not just when crisis hits - trusting the guidance of the program and its principles in every aspect of my life.
Great share atheos Your clarity and acceptance clearly states my understanding of Step 3. Please do begin to work the Steps once again. They have truly changed my life.
"Recovery doesn't protect us from life. It enables us to live more fully and deal with life's problems as they arise." - Paths to Recovery
Thanks atheos, this is a great quote, and just shows that I can always miss things when reading, or maybe they come when they are ready, since I'm sure I have looked at that sentence and don't remember it!
I like this post very much because of the truths within my own experiences in Al-Anon and the teachings I find in the experiences of the fellowship. Coming to understandings use to mean for me "in my head and brain" two very small areas of my body and two which lack much power and I had to do something more because I wasn't finding what others were finding who were growing faster and more steadily and profoundly. "What do they have that I don't I pined" and the answer came from understanding that I should stand with them and listen without prejudice. They were all practitioners with faith which is what I lacked evidenced by the grand number of questions I had about "abandoning myself to God...as I understood God" with my lack of experience. My sponsor and I arrived at the practice of open meditation about HP or God as I understood God which changed my life. I discovered that all of my understanding was founded on beliefs given to me and taught to me by the missionary Roman Catholic religion and my elder families experiences with in that and that it wasn't and had not worked for me even when I thought that it was and had. My sponsor Don T., gave me two weeks to come up with my own perception of HP which would allow me to stay in the presences of my HP 24/7 at all times without fail or fear. I have that 24/7 meditation with me now and got it then in 1996 and when he asked me what it was I replied "God Is" and also said when I accepted that "God Is" and I didn't have to define or redefine or argue it's existence or anything about my HP I was free to join the relationship without doubt. The experience was explosive and the chains of doubt and questioning fell away and another thing...I became saner. This was one of the most profound miracles I have experienced in recovery if not the most profound...the release from doubt was the release from fear and the release from fear was replace with love which I came to belief is the formal name for God. If I have love I cannot fear, they are polar opposites and cannot exist in the same place and time. Al-Anoners are lovers. I'm in the right family at this point in my life and am soooo grateful. (((((hugs)))))
