The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
It was the first real boundary I had ever set and stuck by with no hesitation. Coming home from a morning Alanon meeting to find my husband drunk at 10:30 am and my kids home on Christmas break unsettled and uncomfortable after too many times seeing their dad like this, I told him I wanted him to go somewhere else - either to drink more or sober up but not invade our space with his behavior. He wouldn't, so we did.
The next morning two good friends of his (ours, really) - one a drinking buddy who "gets it" and one with like 30 years in recovery - went to see him. After many hours of talking with him, got him to make a decision one way or another and that ended with him deciding to check in to a treatment center. Talk about letting go, I had no idea or say in where they went, what they said at admissions, what kind of program he signed up for. I only provided date of birth and insurance card when they asked me.
He surrendered. Full of fear that he was losing his family and completely disoriented, but he surrendered. As of yet, the only thing he has committed to is detox - all kinds of reasons why he "can't" do a residential program (mostly job-related) and that once he gets this poison out of his system he can really buckle down and dial in.
I'm trying to focus on what a big deal that was and how proud of him we should be.
He's not allowed phone or visitation privileges for the first 6 days but they make an exception for Christmas. So after just two days there the kids and I went to see him on Christmas. Although I suppose most the alcohol had worked its way out at that point, the attitudes were the same. There was some slight remorse about this happening over the holidays but little talk of how much needed to change. I didn't push it - wanting to live in the moment. But he kept wanting to talk about what he thought we should do to the house, trips he wanted to take with the kids' and stuff like that.
It was weird and a bit unsettling. I guess that's just what I need to get off my chest. I had all this tremendous hope that he checked himself in to treatment but left our visitation with such mixed emotions. I was at a really great Chapter 9 meeting (joint AA and AlAnon focused on couples) tonight and the theme was that the rebuilding of the family and relationships happens very slowly. You can tear the ruins down quickly and agree to rebuild, but it takes time for the architects to plan, for the builders to gather the tools and supplies, etc.
I'm hopeful, but cautious. Thank God for my embrace of this program or who knows where I'd be. And thanks you guys for being here.
I was at a really great Chapter 9 meeting (joint AA and AlAnon focused on couples) tonight and the theme was that the rebuilding of the family and relationships happens very slowly. You can tear the ruins down quickly and agree to rebuild, but it takes time for the architects to plan, for the builders to gather the tools and supplies, etc.
I'm hopeful, but cautious. Thank God for my embrace of this program or who knows where I'd be. And thanks you guys for being here.
(((Mermaid))) The above quote is so "Right On" I am happy that Hubby has decided to attempt detox. That is a step in the right direction.
Please continue to care for yourself and remember that we work toward progress not perfection and that recovery in both AA and Alanon is a process.I have heard a long time AA say it takes 5 years to get the brain back and another 5 to learn how to use them.
