The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I had a nightmare I haven't had for a long time about my XS/dad. He was a drug addict (my term script drugs) and a definite alcoholic.
Anyway, don't want to bore with the details, I about woke up in a panic attack and literally had to talk myself down because I was shaking so bad. As bad as this is I had to remember he is now dead and can't do anything to me anymore.
I have no idea what brought this on or why it even came up in my subconscious. It shook me up pretty good last night and disturbed me today. Add to that it brought up some resentments with my mom I thought I had dealt with and apparently not so much, so I really need to work on that as I just don't have time for resentments in my life.
There has been a lot of things happening and I did decide not to see the guy I had a couple dates with, way to needy which is a funny statement coming from me .. lol. There was a lot of pressure in terms of him integrating himself into my life and I'm not doing it. No kid meeting on the first date (second date, third date or even fourth, I don't want the complication of if things don't work out of having to explain it to the kids) .. I had to draw some boundaries about how fast he wanted to take things .. he's a very nice man .. for someone else .. not me. I know this is probably some of it along with some other stressors going on at the moment. There was something that I was not ok with and that's actually a good thing that I saw it and didn't force the situation. I would not mind being friends however you can kind of tell when someone is saying yes, we can be friends while looking for something else. Not happening. It was a good reminder not to push so hard in a budding relationship of any kind.
Blah .. it was not how I wanted to end Christmas Day which was really nice.
Anyway, I feel better now .. it was just disturbing and it came up on me so fast and furious that it took me by surprise.
Hugs S :)
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Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism. If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown
"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
Sorry for the dream - I guess I see gratitude that it was just a dream! So glad that you were able to 'see' that the guy was not for you! How nice to 'see' that and then act upon it vs. doubting self (which is what I used to do....) Hang in there - we're almost to a new year (one day at a time) and something tells me that 2016 is going to be great!!!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Hugs, S. I don't often have dreams nor have I ever had a panic attack so I really can't relate. But, I wanted to commend you for seeing the red flags with this man. I took 6 months of dating before my bf met my son and I met my bf's girls when we had been dating for 3.5 months. He and I were on the same page from day 1. Anyway, I'm sorry that Christmas didn't end the way you wanted. I do hope that today was a better day for you! HUGS again and much love to you.
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Never grow a wishbone where your backbone ought to be!
There are two things that I discovered about myself after some time away from my X .. I carried a whole lot more anxiety than I realized .. I did not know I processed anxiety very differently than anxiety attacks thanks therapy for that little revelation after that I actually did have a straight up anxiety attack. I guess that is actually healthier than what I was doing I would almost just pass out from the anxiety vs processing it. I used to dream and stopped after years of being married to my X .. I would have dreams very very rarely that I could remember. So really the nightmares and I have been dreaming a LOT more are good because it means I'm unblocking my subconscious. So the nightmares are a good thing .. this is just the first time I have dreamed about my s/dad for so long that it through me .. I couldn't get away from him. That made me feel helpless and I have a huge distain for feeling helpless .. LOL .. I do not roll that way at all. Powerless I am all over .. helpless .. umm kiss my big butt. So not happening, ... I come back from these moments feeling stronger and ok. So today I feel pretty solid and know I am safe. That's a good thing.
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Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism. If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown
"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
Sorry for the uninvited dream/nightmare. I have ones that come straight out of left field too at times. I am glad to hear of you dating but also evaluating and drawing boundaries when the relationships aren't right for you. That shows growth and confidence on your part.
